


The New Normal

by ianlipgallagher (mdobbs1614)



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Ian, M/M, post 4x12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-08-21 20:07:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8259068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mdobbs1614/pseuds/ianlipgallagher
Summary: Mickey's been living like this for 4 years. He lets an unmedicated Ian come and go. He puts he life on pause every time Ian crashes and cleans up after him every time he makes a mess. But how long can Mickey keep this up before he crashes himself?





	1. Chapter 1

“Jesus, fuck, why?” 

Mickey is woken up in the dead of night by the sound of his cell phone ringing loudly. He reaches over to his nightstand, answering the phone without even looking because he’s knows who it is. Only one person ever calls him this late.

“What do you want, Ian?” Mickey sighs and waits for Ian to answer and reveal whether he’s manic, depressed, or somewhere in between.

“Hi, Mick! I’ve missed you. How are you? Should I come see you? I’ll come right now!”

So manic it is. Mickey used to try and to track Ian’s mood swings, but he found out pretty quickly that there was no pattern to learn. Instead he just lets the mood speak for itself.

“Sorry, Gallagher. Yevgeny here’s which means you’re not.”

“Aw, c’mon Mick! He loves me! It'll be fine.”

“Even if it wasn't 3am, we made rules. You know that. Yevgeny never sees you, especially when you’re manic. You agreed to that, remember?”

Mickey wished he didn’t have to go through this every time Ian was manic. When Ian decided he wasn’t going to let meds control his life, Mickey was upset. He didn’t know how to get Ian to see that medicine was the only way he could lead a normal life. He and the Gallaghers did everything they could to convince him, but Mickey knew deep down that Ian would have to come to this realization on his own. He just wished it would've happened by now. 

Now, 4 years later, this is Mickey’s fucked up routine. He stopped pretending he had any control over his feelings for Ian a long time ago. He just lets Ian come and go as he pleases. He talks him down from crazy antics when he’s manic, and keeps him alive when he’s depressed. Mickey holds out hope that one day Ian will realize that he can’t live like this forever, but for now, Mickey just takes what he can get.

Sometimes there will be long periods where Ian is completely balanced and Mickey lets himself believe that this could last. Soon enough though, Ian will run off into the night, full of energy, ready to explore, or, he’ll fall into a deep pit of despair and that Mickey tries to pry him out of. 

When this whole mess started, Mickey sat Ian down during one of his balanced periods and set some ground rules. Most of these rules have been broken time and time again. Only one has managed to stay intact. Yevgeny is left out of this mess. 

Mickey knows that he is too far gone to save himself from this heartbreaking madness, but Yevgeny is only 5. Mickey refuses to subject him to the instability that is an unmedicated Ian Gallagher. 

“Mickey, I’m fine. I’m not manic, I’m just happy.”

“Ian, it’s the middle of the fucking night. I can tell you’re manic just by the sound of your voice. You can come over tomorrow if you want, but go home tonight. Don’t come here.” 

Every time Mickey has to turn Ian down, he worries he’s going to send him into a downward spiral, but he holds his ground.

“Bye, Ian.” Mickey says before Ian can argue and hangs up the phone. 

Now Mickey just waits and hopes. Hopes that Ian doesn't show up at his door in a few minutes despite his protest. Hopes that Ian doesn't do anything rash because of this rejection. Hopes that Ian will come over tomorrow because Mickey misses him too. 

This is Mickey's new normal, but he hopes it isn't his forever.


	2. Chapter 2

Mickey still hasn’t fallen asleep. He’s been too worried that Ian is going bust through the door and break the only rule they have managed to keep. The worst part is he doesn’t even know what he’d do if Ian did show up. Sure, at first he’d be pissed and get Ian to leave as quickly as possible, but what about tomorrow. Does Mickey have the strength to hold Ian off from meeting Yevgeny forever? The problem is that he never thought he would have to. He always assumed that after a few months or so of living on the rollercoaster that is unmedicated bipolar disorder that Ian would realize he needed help, but it’s been four years and it’s as though Ian doesn’t even see treatment as an option. 

It’s 7am so Mickey decides to just go ahead and get up. It’s not like he was actually sleeping anyway. He needs to get Yevgeny up and dressed and to Svetlana’s house in case Ian is going to be there soon. 

“Hey buddy. Time to get up.” Mickey lightly shakes his son, trying to get him to wake up. He hears a groan and Yevgeny mumbles something. 

“I know it’s early, but we gotta get you over to your Mom’s house” 

Yevgeny peeks out of the covers, his blonde hair lopsided and his ice blue eyes sparkling. He squints at his dad. “Mama’s house?” Yevgeny asks excitedly. 

“Yeah yeah. Mom’s your favorite. We get it.” Mickey teases, tickling Yevgeny. He plays it off like a joke, but it’s true. He used to get a little jealous that Svetlana and his son seem to have a bond that he’ll never have with Yevgeny. Ian told him once that it was because Mickey wasn’t around as much when Yev was a baby, something about bonding with a child while they're an infant being important. It was during one of Ian’s manic phases though, so Mickey doesn’t know if he believes it. 

“You’re both my favorite, Dad” Yevgeny says, reaching out for Mickey to pick him up. Mickey scoops him up and plants wet kisses on his fat little cheeks. Yevgeny giggles and put his hands over Mickey's mouth. Mickey thinks Yevgeny can sense that he’s never really joking because he always cuddles up to Mickey afterwards. 

“C’mon, let’s get you dressed.”

Mickey got Yevgeny dressed and over to Svetlana’s by 9. Now it’s 1 and still no Ian. 

He can’t go looking for him though cause that violates his rule. Not his and Ian’s rules, but the rule Mickey set for himself.

Mickey knew that keeping Ian in his life even though he was off medication could destroy him, so he made himself one rule that he thought would keep this arrangement from derailing his whole life. 

Mickey does not, under any circumstance, go searching for Ian. 

This delicate balance Mickey lives is dependent on Mickey just letting Ian come to him. He can no longer put his whole life on pause to dig Ian out of a ditch somewhere, not anymore. Instead, he works and takes care of Yev and lives a relatively normal life. When Ian calls, manic or depressed, he goes and picks him up and takes care of him. 

Mickey’s been pretty good about following this rule. Last year, Ian didn’t contact him for 3 months and Mickey got worried every time the phone rang that it would be the police or Fiona telling him they found a body. He never went looking though. He just tried to busy himself with work and Yevgeny. And, just as always, Ian came back, looking thinner and paler than ever and Mickey nursed him back to health. 

This rule never stopped Mickey from worrying though. That’s why he’s here, sitting alone on the couch in his house, leg bouncing anxiously, waiting for Ian to call or knock on the door. 

The phone rings and Mickey lunges for it, assuming it’s Ian, calling to see if he can come over. 

“Hello?”

“Hey Mickey” Mickey pulls the phone away from his ear and sees its Fiona calling instead of the Gallagher he wanted it to be.

“What the fuck do you want?” 

Mickey doesn’t talk to most of the Gallaghers. Fiona and Lip think Mickey is “enabling” Ian’s bad decisions, so Mickey just avoids them all together. So does Ian, to be honest, and that just makes them hate Mickey even more. 

“Look, I don’t want to fight. I just needed to know if you’ve seen Ian. Debbie hasn’t seen him in a while and she’s panicking.”

Debbie. The only Gallagher with some sort of relationship with Ian. She tries to keep up with where he is, calling him at least once a week, and sneaking him into the Gallagher house if he comes by at night. 

“Why the fuck isn’t she calling me then?”

“Because she doesn’t want to worry you yet.” 

Mickey rolls his eyes. He likes Debbie, but she does this thing where she only calls him as a last resort, like she’s protecting him or something. It’s been four years and all the Gallaghers still think Mickey doesn’t understand what bipolar disorder is. As though he isn’t the one who has taken care of Ian all these years. 

“Tell her to stop doing that shit. She’s not saving me from anything.”

“I know Mickey. Just tell me if you’ve seen him and we can be done here.” Fiona sounds tired. Mickey is pretty sure that if it wasn’t for Debbie, Fiona would’ve already forgotten about Ian completely. She already treats him like Frank, kicking him out if she sees that Debbie has let him in the night before; calling Mickey to come pick him up if he crashes and won't get out of bed. 

“He called me last night. He was manic, tried to come over, but Yev was here so I told him no. I said he could come over today, he hasn’t yet. That’s all I know.”

“Well, aren’t you gonna go look for him?” Is she fucking serious? She probably hasn’t talked to Ian in months and has no intention of searching for him herself, but she’s giving Mickey shit for not going out and looking for him?

“You know I don’t fucking do that, Fiona. I’m sure he’s fine. If I see him I’ll text Debbie. She can come over and see him if this manic phase isn’t too bad, okay?” Mickey sighs and hangs up, not wanting to talk to Fiona anymore. She always has a way of making him feel like shit. 

He knows he’s doing the right thing by staying home. He can’t let Ian completely dictate his life, but he still feels like he’s failing him in some way. 

Mickey phones rings again. Mickey picks it up, praying it’s Ian, but instead it’s another Gallagher he doesn’t want to talk to.

“Why the fuck are you Gallaghers so insistent on ruining a man’s Sunday?”

“Oh good! You’ve seen Ian?” Really? Lip’s calling him about Ian too? Lip's the one who thinks the best plan to get Ian on his meds is just to ignore him.

“No, Phillip, I haven’t fucking seen him. I just got off the phone with your bitch of a sister. She was asking the same goddamn question.” 

“Oh, fuck. I was hoping you knew something so I could calm Debbie down.” 

“Look, just tell little Orphan Annie she can come wait here. If he’s awake and not drugged out of his fucking mind, he’ll come here.” Mickey hangs up on his third Gallagher since he was woken up at 3am last night and he hopes it’ll be the last. 

Mickey doesn’t mind Debbie. He thinks she understands why he’s doing this. Part of it is because he doesn’t think he has it in him to turn Ian away permanently, sure. But it’s also because he needs Ian to decide to get help on his own. If he ended things with Ian for good, he’s afraid Ian would get help just to get Mickey back and that’s not enough. Ian has to want a better life for himself. That’s the only way it’ll happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are we liking this? Let me know!
> 
> Prompt me at ianmickgallagher.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy you guys seem to be enjoying this! I'm planning it out and I think it's going to be about 10 or so chapters. Also, in this chapter the italicized bit is a flashback. I think that's clear, but I just wanted to say it to avoid any confusion. Enjoy!

Mickey is startled awake by knocks at the door. He assumes it’s Debbie since Ian would’ve just walked inside.

“Just come in, Debbie” He yells from the couch, not fully awake yet. He didn’t mean to fall asleep, but after staring at the ceiling all night, he’s pretty exhausted.

“Lip said to come here. Have you talked to Ian? Is he here? Where is he?” Wow, Mickey is definitely not awake enough to deal with all the words Debbie just shouted at him. He groans and wipes a hand down his face, finally sitting up and facing the young girl.

Debbie looks tired. He wonders how long she’s been looking for Ian. He hasn't seen Ian in two weeks, which means Debbie probably hasn’t seen him for longer. She is dressed in worn out jeans and a t-shirt that looked like it has been around since Monica was a teenager.

Overall, she just looks sad. After she had a miscarriage and lost the baby, Debbie seems lost. She barely talks to Fiona and Lip, only checking in with them to see if they’ve seen Ian when she can’t find him. Mickey still isn’t sure why she has taken such an interest in Ian. He suspects that she wants to take care of someone since she never got to with her child and Ian’s endless list of problems fulfill that want.

“Debbie, he’s not here. I fucking told Lip that, but you can stay and wait if you want. I’m gonna take a nap.” Mickey says, getting up and heading towards his room.

“How can you nap when Ian could be dead somewhere? How can you not even care?”

Mickey freezes, his back to Debbie and she gets worried. That was out of line. She knows that. She sees how much Mickey cares for Ian. She sees it every time Ian has a low period and Mickey takes time off of work and doesn’t see Yevgeny for weeks because he’s taking care of Ian.

“I’m sorry Mickey. I didn’t mean that.”

“It’s fine, Debbie.” Mickey turns around and looks her in the eye so she can see that he means it.

“I’m just scared he’s fallen into another low phase. You know how bad the last one was.”

Shit. Bad was an understatement. Mickey doesn’t even want to think about last time.

 

_Mickey is sitting in his classroom during his lunch break. He likes working as a middle school teacher. He realized that he was good at math and this was a secure job that helped him establish a steady life. It also means he has the same hours as Yevgeny and can pick him from his elementary school across the street._

_“Mr. Milkovich, please come to the front office.” Mickey looks up at the intercom that just said his name. He puts the rest of his lunch in the trash and heads to the office._

_“Hey, Sherri, I was told to come up here.” Mickey says the secretary. He never thought he’d get along so well with the other teachers and staff, but they saw pretty quickly that he’s good at what he does and didn’t judge him on his reputation._

_“There’s a call for you, Mickey. Some woman. I think she said her name was Fiona?”_

_“Shit. Okay.” Mickey picks up the phone. He knows what this is about without Fiona saying a word. There’s only one reason she ever calls him. Ian._

_“Is he okay? Do I need to come get him?”_

_“Yeah, Mickey, you do. I came home from work to him passed out on the porch. I tried to wake him up, but he just curled up into a ball. This is your shit, Mickey. Get him off my porch.”_

_Mickey runs a hand through his hair. He just saw Ian two days ago and he was fine. He thought the crash usually took a little longer, but if there’s one thing Mickey know about bipolar disorder, it’s that he knows nothing._

_“Okay, Fiona, I’m coming right now” He hung up and headed to the Gallaghers. He told Sherri to get him a substitute and that he’d be out at least for a week._

_Mickey gets in his car and takes a deep breath before he starts the car. He never knows what he will encounter when Ian is like this. You’d think the manic phases would be worse, so much more unpredictable, but they aren’t. The depression is just horrible and he'd rather Ian be manic instead any day of the year._

_Mickey pulls up to the Gallagher house and sees Ian on the front porch._

_“For fuck’s sake, Fiona” Mickey says as he gets out of his car. As if summoned, Fiona opens the door and looks at Mickey._

_“Good you’re here. Get him out of here before Debbie, Carl, and Liam are back from school.”_

_“You couldn’t even pull him inside? Its fucking cold out.” Mickey yells and he jogs to the porch._

_Fiona just rolls her eyes and goes back inside, clearly bored with the whole ordeal._

_Mickey crouches down and runs his hand over Ian’s forehead and into his hair._

_“Hey buddy. You okay?” He whispers to Ian. Seeing if he can verbally respond is the first test to assess how deep into the depression Ian currently is._

_Ian groans and shifts towards Mickey’s body heat. His eyes blink open and then immediately snap shut like that was the worse choice he could’ve made._

_“I’m sorry, Mick. I couldn’t make it to your house.” Mickey presses his palms into his eyes, trying to suppress his emotions for right now._

_“Let’s get you home.” Mickey scoops Ian up into his arms, ignoring how light he is._

_“I need you to stand for a second so I can get you into the car, okay?” Mickey starts to lower Ian’s body, but Ian tightens his grip on Mickey’s neck, clearly not wanting to touch the ground._

_“Okay, okay. I got you.” Mickey figures out how to open the back door without dropping Ian and sets him down easily across the seats. He slowly pulls Ian's arms away from his neck. He cups Ian’s cheek and places a kiss on his forehead before backing away and getting into the driver’s seat._

_*_  
_After he got Ian home and in bed, he called Debbie. She had been looking for Ian the last time he talked to her, so he figured she should know. Her phone went to voicemail so he just sent her a text explaining the situation._

_Now the hard part. Calling Svetlana. She hated Ian. More than Fiona or Lip or anyone. She hated him. She hated him because when he needed help, Mickey dropped everything to help him, including Yevgeny._

_“What you want?”_

_“Hey Svet. I need you to get Yevgeny from school today.”_

_“Why not you? You work across fucking street from school.”_

  
_“I know, but Ian’s back and he’s low, so I gotta deal with this.”_

_“No! You will not leave son for fucking orange boy. No!”_

_Mickey paused, trying to decided the best way to go forward. He knew she’d argue with him and yell at him. That was normal. But what was the easiest way to get her to just agree to pick up Yev? He had no clue._

_“I’m not 'leaving' him, Svet. I just need you to keep him for this week or so, but I promise I’ll come by when I can, okay? I just need you to fucking do this for me, okay?”_

_There was a long pause, which means he got her._

_“You are piece of shit.” And with that she hung up._

_Mickey dropped his head and let out a breath he’d been holding since he’d gotten the call from Fiona. Well, at least that was settled. He stood up from the couch and headed into his room where he had laid Ian._

_“You didn’t have to do that you know. Yevgeny could’ve come here. I wouldn’t have done anything to him.”_

_“Shut the fuck up, Ian” Mickey sighed. He knew he shouldn’t snap at Ian when he’s low, but for fuck’s sake. They have this fight whether Ian’s manic, depressed or balanced. It’s like he doesn’t understand how reckless it would be to introduce him to the kid._

_Yevgeny would love Ian, and that’s the problem. Because he’d love Ian and want to be with Ian all the time, but Ian’s not around all the time. Ian’s not even Ian all the time. Mickey can’t do that to Yevgeny because its bad enough that Mickey’s doing that to himself._

_*_

_It’s been two weeks and Mickey feels like he can’t leave Ian’s side. He barely moves, eats, drinks, talks or anything. Mickey doesn’t know what to do. Ian’s never gone this long without some sort of progress. He gave Ian a bath two days ago and when he left the room to get a towel, he came back to Ian’s head under the water with no sign of him coming back up._

_Ever since then, Mickey just stares at Ian, never leaving him alone. Debbie’s been staying at his house for a week. He lets her bring them food and water and he just sits and stares at Ian, willing him to get out of bed and out of this depression, but there’s nothing he can do but wait._

_*_

_Finally, after two more weeks, Ian resurfaces._

_It starts with him eating more, then he starts to talk and sit up. Finally, he starts walking around and taking showers and making fucking jokes. As though his body knew that he was finally in the clear, Mickey just collapses. He sleeps for 15 hours straight one day, making up for all the nights he laid awake. Ian wakes him up with a kiss on the cheek, snuggling into his side._

_Mickey lets himself smile for a second before his realizes what he’s gone through this past month. He almost lost his job. He’s only seen Yevgeny like 3 days this whole month. Mickey starts to see just how little control he really has when it comes to Ian. He drops everything for him and gets almost nothing in return._

_Mickey’s weak. He wishes he could say he’s as strong as people think, but he’s not. He lets Ian do this to him because he’s scared of a life with no Ian at all. So he lets himself be walked over and treated like a toy that Ian comes and plays with when he remembers. Mickey hates himself sometimes for being so weak, but when it comes to Ian, Mickey doesn't know how to stop._

 

Mickey shakes his head at the memory and realizes Debbie’s been talking to him. He just nods when she stops and hopes that what she was saying wasn't important.

Then the phone rings. Mickey picks it up. It’s still not fucking Ian, in fact, its not even a number he knows.

“Hello?”

“Is this Mickey Milkovich?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“This is Sheriff Jefferson of the Ford County Police Department. We have Ian Gallagher in custody.” 


	4. Chapter 4

“This is Sheriff Jefferson of the Ford County Police Department. We have Ian Gallagher in custody.”

 

Mickey takes a breath and closes his eyes. He hates this call. He’s only gotten it a few times before, but it always means that Ian crashed. And not just crashed, like he passed out in Boystown, no. It means before he crashed he flew around like a tornado, leaving a horrible mess in his wake. It means that he had a public meltdown that got so bad that the police were called and he was arrested.

 

“You were listed as his emergency contact. No charges are being pressed so we just need you to come pick him up.”

 

“Yes sir. I’m on my way.” Mickey takes another deep breath, trying to calm himself down, but its no use.

 

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuckin shit, Ian! Fuck!” Mickey yells as he punches the wall. Debbie flinches back, confused and scared by what was happening.

 

“What is it, Mickey? What did Ian do?”

 

“He got fucking arrested. In Ford county. That’s like two hours from here.”

 

“Well, let’s go pick him up!” Debbie says.

 

“No, Debbie, I’m going to pick him up. You’re staying here.” Mickey braces himself for the argument that he knows Debbie is ready to dish out.

 

“Why? I’ve seen him like this a million times. Why should I stay here?”

 

“Because Debbie! Just because you’ve seen it before doesn’t mean you should see it again." Mickey knows that Debbie grew up around this, but no one is never really used to seeing their brother self destruct over and over again. "Also, I’d like there to be no witnesses when I fucking murder your brother for getting arrested, AGAIN!”

 

Debbie flinches again at Mickey screams and stops fighting. She knows how Mickey gets when stuff like this happens, and it’s not worth it to argue.

 

“I’m sorry, Debbie. Just stay here, okay? We’ll come right back once I pick him up.”

 

Debbie nods in agreement as Mickey rushes out the door.

 

Mickey wishes it wasn’t such a long drive because it gave him too much time to think. Too much time to think about how he is once again dropping everything to rush to Ian’s side. What makes it worse is that there is no end in sight. In the past four years, Ian has never once mentioned trying to get help or get medicated. Mickey wishes he could say that he’s done with it all. That he’s done with Ian and the mess that comes with him, but what’s the point in lying to himself?

 

*

 

Mickey pulls up to the police station and takes one last deep breath before he has to face whatever is waiting for him inside the small building.

 

Mickey walks inside the small precinct. What the hell was Ian even doing in this town? Usually, when Ian crashed, Mickey found him in passed out downtown or was called by a bouncer from some club to come pick him up.

 

The man at the front desk looks up and him, studying him for a second. Mickey stares right back, acting on the instinct to never show any sort of fear or hesitation.

 

“Mr. Milkovich?” The officer asked.

 

“Yeah.” Mickey nodded. “I was called to pick up Ian Gallagher.”

 

“Wow. Good luck with that one. He’s been a real handful.” The man says, eyes widened in way like he’s trying to express that he’s seen some shit tonight.

 

“Fuck. What did he do?” Mickey says, even though he’s not sure if he even wants to know.

 

“What didn’t he do? He crashed a car into a light post. He ransacked the local convenience store like a rabid dog. He ran screaming down the street wearing only boxers and ended this whole performance lying in the middle of the street and crying”

 

“Shit.” Mickey mumbles under his breath. This is bad. This was not just manic phase bad. This is a manic mixed with handful of pills bad.

 

“We believe him to be on methamphetamines based on his state when he was brought.”

  
  
“Oh I fucking wish he was just on meth.” Mickey says, shaking his head. “Not that I’m not grateful, but how the hell is he not being charged if he did all that?”

 

“Anyone who just glances at the kid can tell he's troubled. He's not just some drug addict, that’s obvious. When we brought him in last night, the guilt and shame was written all over his face. We just want him to get help. You need to get him help.”

 

“Yeah, fuck, yeah I know.” Mickey can’t believe how nice this guy is. Ian doesn’t deserve this break he’s getting, Mickey knows that, but hopefully this will be some sort of a wake up call to Ian.

 

A man turns the corner, Ian walking behind him with his head down. The man had him sign his name on the paper and he was released. Ian paused, like he wasn’t sure where to go.

 

He always did this when Mickey had to come rescue him. Acts like he isn’t sure if this is the mistake that will make Mickey leave him behind.

 

Mickey walks up to him and pulls him into a hug. He feels Ian melt against him, feels the tears that begin to wet his shirt, hears Ian whispers his apologies for making Mickey come and save him once again.

 

*

 

Mickey and Ian make it home two hours later. No words were exchanged that whole way. Ian didn’t know what to say and Mickey didn’t want to say anything. He never knew what to say.

 

They walked into the house and found Debbie pacing around the room. She turns as soon and she hears the door and runs to hug Ian as soon as she sees him. She begins to interrogate him so Mickey decides to go to his room.

 

He lays in bed, thinking about how different this phase was than they have been through in the past. Is it getting worse? Will it continue to get worse if he never gets help? The ‘what ifs’ flood Mickey’s mind until he finally cracks. Mickey begins to cry.

 

Mickey doesn’t think he’s ever cried like this. He’s sobbing, gulping for air. It’s probably more like a panic attack than just tears. He feels weak and pathetic and helpless. His life has slowly been spinning out of control for the past 4 years and this incident has made all the pain come crashing down on Mickey.

 

He hears the siblings exchanged goodbyes and the sound of the front door closing. He turns his back to the door and wipes at his face, hoping the evidence of his breakdown wasn’t written all over his face, but he knows it is.

 

Ian opens the door and see Mickey lying there, curled up in a ball.

 

“Mick” Ian barely whispers the name, scared of what Mickey will say to him when they finally talk.

 

Ian lies down behind Mickey, shifting his body closer and closer, giving Mickey time to push him away. Once their bodies are touching from shoulder to knee, Ian feels Mickey start to shake.

 

“Hey, no, don’t cry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for it happen, Mickey, honest. I’m so sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry” Ian frantically whispers in Mickey’s ear, pulling Mickey closer to his body and starting to cry himself. They lay there, huddled together for an hour before Mickey finally gathers the strength to face Ian.

 

Mickey shifts his body so that he can Ian behind. Ian is playing with the bottom of his shirt, face stained with tears, eyes refusing to meet Mickey’s. Mickey wipes his thumbs under Ian’s eye, removing the last of the tears and Ian’s gaze slowly meets his.

 

“I really am sorry, Mick” Ian confesses quietly.

 

Mickey nods and cups Ian’s cheek. “I know, Ian, I know.” Ian was always sorry, always genuinely sorry, but not enough to change, not enough to get help.

Ian studies Mickey’s face and his heart breaks at what he sees. All the pain and stress that Ian has put Mickey through these past few years are clear on his face. Ian knows he does this Mickey and he tries to be better, but then a manic phase hits and he’s not focused enough to do anything or a low period starts and he’s stuck in bed. He’s tearing Mickey apart from the inside out and he’s not stable enough to stop it.

 

Ian watches as Mickey falls asleep, his face relaxing now that the worries from the day fade to black. He presses a kiss to Mickey's forehead and then slips his arm out from under his head. Ian grabs his phone and his bag and heads towards the door.

 

“I love you, Mickey. I’ll always love you.” Ian says and slides out the backdoor and into the night.

 

*

 

Mickey wakes up as the light filters in from outside. His arms stretch out and are met by nothing but bed. Mickey snaps up, glancing frantically around the room, looking for signs of Ian. He jumps out of bed and runs into the living room.

 

“Ian! Hello? Ian!” Mickey checks the whole house, going for room to room, but finds nothing.

 

He left. Ian left after Mickey drove two hours to pick him up. He never leaves that quickly. Why would he leave?

 

Mickey crawls into back into bed. He grabs the pillow Ian used last night, trying to soaked up any scent there to make him feel less alone, less abandoned. The tears start to fall again as Mickey wonders if this is it. If it’s all over. Has the disorder finally sucked the last bit of the real Ian away? Is this where it all ends? Is Ian gone for good? Are they finally done?

 

Mickey doesn’t know what he wants the answer to be. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay everybody! Here it is! The flashback chapter which includes why Fiona isn't helping, the rules Ian and Mickey made and a little bit of information about Ian's first year without meds! I hope you like and as always, thank you so much for your kudos and comments!

The first year Ian went without medication was the worst.

 

It all started after Mickey came out. The next day Mickey woke up to Ian refusing to get out of bed. He laid in bed for weeks after that, barely talking or eating or moving. When Ian finally emerged from the low period, he acted as though nothing had happened, blaming it on the drugs from the club. Mickey didn’t want Fiona to be right, didn’t want Ian to have to go through what his mother did so he believed Ian and stayed in denial.

 

*

 

A few months had gone by when Mickey was finally forced to accept Ian’s problems. In the past months, Ian had gone through each mood about five times each. The depression was never as bad as the first time, but the mania was stunning.

 

Ian would be gone for days at a time, never sleeping, never stopping. He’d come back with needle marks on his arms and wads of cash in his pockets. He’d crashed for about a week and then he was off again. During those first three months, he was only ever ‘normal’ Ian, balanced Ian for about two weeks total. A day here, a day there, but never for long. 

 

It all came to a head when Mickey had a huge blowout with Fiona and Lip.

 

_“You have to stop this, Mickey. You can’t just pretend everything is fine when it's obviously not fine!” Lip screamed. He’d spent the past three months watching his brother self-destruct while Mickey just followed behind him, cleaning up his mess._

_“You have to make him get help, make him take medication. You have to make him see what he’s doing!” Fiona added._

_“I CAN’T” Mickey screeched. “I fucking can’t! Do you really think that me making him get help, giving him some sort of ultimatum will do anything? He might go on meds for a while, sure, but it wouldn’t take long for him to stop again.”_

_“So what’s your alternative? What are you doing instead, just watching him implode?” Lip asked._

_Mickey paused at Lip’s question because it was valid. What was he doing? Had he done anything at all?_

_“Nothing. I’m not doing anything. I was hoping he would decide on his own. I still think that’s what he has to do, but fuck if I know how to get him there.” Mickey admits._

_“You have to leave.” Fiona said._

_“What?” Mickey and Lip answered in unison._

_“You have to go. You have to tell him that you can’t do this anymore, that you won’t watch him kill himself.” Fiona explains._

_Mickey looked at Fiona like she had grown a second head._

_“That’s sounds a lot like a fucking ultimatum, Fiona. I just said I’m not gonna fucking do that.”_

_“Well that’s what we’re gonna do.” She says. Now Lip is looking at her like she’s crazy too. “We’re not gonna help him ruin his life. From now on, he’s just like Frank. If he doesn’t want to help himself, then we’re not gonna help him either.”_

_“So you’re just gonna abandon him. He’s sick. He needs us. You can’t just tell him to fuck off.” Mickey says._

_“Monica’s been sick for years and every time she comes back, we let her. We let her stay around while she’s unmedicated and look where that’s gotten us. We’re done.” Fiona says, the look on her face expressed how confident she is in this decision._

_Mickey turns to Lip, eyes pleading. Surely he can’t also think that this is a good idea. Lip looks at him and then looks at Fiona. They have some sort of silence conversation and then Lip shoulders drop._

_“I’m sorry, Mickey, but I guess that’s what we’re gonna do.” Lip says, sounding much less proud of the decision than Fiona._

*

 

After that, Mickey was pretty much alone. He was floundering. When Fiona and Lip were still involved, he had help. They’d come by when he went to work if Ian was in a low phase. They’d search around Boystown if Ian had fled while he was manic. Now that Mickey was left to do all this by himself, he was about to collapse.

 

The door swings open, breaking Mickey out of his thoughts. It’s Ian. He’s calm and happy and not showing any of the signs of mania or depression. This means that it’s the perfect time to have the talk with him.

 

The problem is that they haven’t had any talk about what’s been going on. They’ve both been pretending that this is normal. That Ian disappearing and then showing back up just to crash is normal. They haven’t talked since that first low phase, when Ian told him it was just withdrawal from all the coke he was doing at the club.

 

 Mickey knows he has to talk with Ian before he completely falls apart.

 

“Ian, I need to talk to you.”

 

“Yikes, that doesn’t sound good” Ian jokes. He looks at Mickey face and sees that it really isn’t a joke.

 

“Ian, we’ve been ignoring what’s been going on and we ain’t gonna do that anymore.”

 

“What do you mean, Mick?”

 

“Ian, whether or not you wanna admit it, you’re bipolar. We can’t live like this anymore.”

 

“You’re breaking up with me?” Ian asks, voice wavering.

 

“No. I’m not.”

 

“Then what are you saying?” Ian says, confused as to where this is going if he's not getting dumped.

 

“I’m saying that if you’re gonna keeping living without taking meds and without getting help, then we have to make rules.” Mickey explains.

 

“What kind of rules?”

 

“Like you have to text me if you aren’t gonna come home at night. I can’t stay up worrying about you ever time you get manic.”

 

Ian nods. He understands what Mickey’s doing and he’s gonna agree with it. He knows he’s lucky that Mickey isn’t breaking up with him. Fiona and Lip are done with him, so he really doesn’t know what he would do if Mickey left too.

 

“And you can’t keep collapsing in random fucking places, leaving me to track you down. If you’re starting to feel low, you need to come home.”

 

“Okay” Ian agrees.

 

“Oh, and one more thing.”

 

“Anything, Mick.”

 

“You can’t see Yevgeny anymore.” Mickey says, bracing himself for the backlash to that rule. It’s really the only rule he cares about and the only rule that’s a deal breaker for this whole situation.

 

“What the fuck, Mickey? What do you mean I can’t see him anymore? Like when I’m manic?” Ian asks in huff. He never expected this to be something Mickey would do.

 

“No, I mean ever, Ian. I’m not gonna let you slide in and out of his life, acting like his father for a few days and then ditching him for a month. I can’t do that to him.”

 

“I wouldn’t ditch him, Mickey. I would never do that to him.”

 

“You might not do it on purpose, but you’d do it at some point so I’m not giving you the chance.” Mickey explains. How can Ian not see the hurt and pain he causes so easily?

 

“Why are you so sure I do that to him, that I’d just ditch him?” Ian says, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

Mickey finally cracks, his calm demeanor long gone.

 

“BECAUSE YOU’RE DOING IT TO ME. YOU BEEN DOING IT TO ME FOR MONTHS.” Mickey yells, all sense of control flying out the window. 

 

Ian is taken aback. He’s shocked not only by the words Mickey is saying, but by how honest he’s being.

 

“You’ve been coming and going and treating our home like a hotel, treating me like a taxi. You call me when you’re stranded and need someone to pick you up and bring you home, but then you leave again a few days later. It sucks. It’s fucking horrible, but I know I can handle it. Yevgeny, he can’t. It would kill him, so I’m not gonna let you do that to him. I won’t”

 

Mickey runs his hands over his face, trying to stop the tears in his eyes from falling. It doesn’t help that Ian looks absolutely crushed. It’s like he really didn’t know what he’d been doing until now.

 

“I-I, but, I, you” Ian stammers. He doesn’t know how to put his thoughts into words.

 

“Hey, I’m not asking you to make a decision this moment. I have to run a few errands, should take about four hours. You can stay here and decide.”

 

Ian nods. He has a lot to think about so he’s thankful that Mickey’s giving him time.

 

Mickey heads toward the door but stop short and turns around. “I love you, Ian. You know that, but this is the only way that this is gonna work.”

 

Mickey leaves, feeling like absolute shit. Call him a stickler, but that felt a lot like an ultimatum. He doesn’t disagree with anything he said, but he didn’t mean to get so emotional. He wanted to just lay down the rules and give Ian his pick. He can’t help himself when it comes to Ian, though. If it wasn’t for Yevgeny, he’d just let Ian walk all over him for forever, probably. But Yevgeny is here so Mickey has to stay strong and not let Ian pass down the abandonment issues that they both deal with everyday. Mickey won’t let Yevgeny live with that kind of instability.

 

*

 

When Mickey makes it back to the house, Svetlana is on the porch, smoking a cigarette.

 

“Orange boy is losing his shit.” She says, jerking a thumb back to indicate that he’s inside.

 

Mickey sighs and walks in. He sees Ian holding Yevgeny close to his chest and crying. He looks up with Mickey enters and tries to smile at him, but it looks more like a grimace.

 

“I’m just saying goodbye.” Ian says, eyes filled with tears. “I promise I’ll stay away, but I just wanted to say goodbye.”

 

Mickey nods and goes to the kitchen, giving Ian his moment with Yevgeny. A few more minutes have gone by when Ian stands up and gives Yevgeny over to Svetlana after planting a final kiss against his forehead. Svetlana nods at him and turns to leave.

 

As soon as the door closes behind her, Ian collapses in a puddle of tears and self-loathing.

  
After taking a deep breath, Mickey goes over to pick Ian back up, just like he always will.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, this chapter takes place two months after the last chapter. It's pretty clear, I think, but just in case you missed it.

“Why?” Mickey asks, as he’s jerked from sleep once again by a phone call. He looks down and sees that it’s Debbie calling him, just like she does every morning. And just like every morning, he ignores the call.

 

It’s been two months since Ian left in the middle of night and no one has heard from him since. After a week of radio silence, Mickey told Debbie that he wasn’t a part of Ian’s search party.

 

Debbie thinks that Mickey is just being stubborn, and Mickey wishes that was the case, but the truth is that this time felt final. When Mickey gazed at Ian as they lied together that night, there was something different behind his eyes, something that Mickey didn’t recognize, something he couldn't decipher and that’s what scares him. That’s what makes him think that this time is different and that Ian’s not coming back.

 

So, in these two months since, Mickey has done what he always does when Ian leaves. He spends more time with Yevgeny. He stays longer at work and volunteers to monitor Saturday detention to make up for the days he missed every time Ian crashed.

 

There’s one more thing that Mickey does, however, that he hasn’t done in the past after Ian’s disappearances.

 

He builds back up his walls. Those emotional walls that were first built because of Terry’s abuse. Those walls that Ian started tearing down when they were just 15. For the first time since he’s met Ian, Mickey has felt like the only way to survive is to hide behind a façade of nonchalance and indifference.

 

Don’t get him wrong, it’s not the same as when they were kids. Mickey hasn’t been punching everyone who even crosses his path or drinking himself into a stupor, but he also hasn’t dealt with his feelings either. He hasn’t told anyone about how he thinks that this is the end, that Ian isn’t come back. He hasn’t even cried since that first day.

 

He thinks that maybe a certain part of him is glad, the part of him with any real sense. He knows that it’s probably for the best if this is really the end. He can finally have a stable life. A life that he won’t have to stop completely every time Ian needs him. This is good thing, right? This is a good thing.

 

So he just goes through the motions of his routine everyday. Get up. Take Yevgeny to school. Go to work. Pick Yevgeny up from school. Go home. Sleep. Over and over again, everyday.

 

*

 

Today is just another day, a Tuesday. Mickey’s by himself since he dropped Yevgeny off at Svetlana’s and now he’s walking back to spend his night alone at home.

 

However, when he reaches his house, its not as empty as he hoped.

 

“You know, I really thought you Gallaghers hated me, but based on how often you’re calling my fucking phone or standing on my fucking doorstep, I might have been wrong all this time, huh?”

 

“Aw c’mon, Mickey, you can be honest. We’ve grown on ya, right?”

 

“No, Phillip, I can’t say that you have.” Mickey says, pushing past Lip and into his house. Lip laughs and follows him inside.

 

“Why the fuck are you here, asshole?”

 

“Just talked to Debbie.” Lip says, not offering any other information.

 

“And?” Mickey says, prompting him to hurry up and finish this conversation as soon as possible.

 

“And she told me that you weren't answering her calls, aren’t helping her find Ian. In fact, I believe she said that you had told her on multiple occasions to ‘fuck off’.”

 

“So you’re here because you’re pissed that I told your sister to fuck off?” Mickey asks, purposely ignoring the part about Ian.

 

“No. I’m here to ask you why you aren’t at least answering her calls and letting her know if you’ve heard from him. What? Are you quitting the search team and going rogue?” Lip jokes.

 

“You’d have to be part of the search team to go rogue, right?” Mickey says, avoiding Lip's eyes but hoping he gets the message.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean I’m not looking for Ian.” Mickey says, turning toward Lip to be faced with his mixed expression of shock and confusion.

 

“You mean you’re giving up on him? What the fuck, Mickey? You can’t do that!” Lip yells.

 

“You and Fiona ditched him a long time ago so I don’t know where the fuck you get off on telling me what I can and can’t do!” Mickey yells back, getting in Lip’s face and poking him in the chest.

 

Lip takes a step back as his face fades to guilt. He never really wanted to go along with Fiona’s plan, but he was in college when this whole thing started so it was a lot easier to ignore Ian than face his problems head on.

 

“You’re right. I haven’t been helping. I probably never helped, but that was because I thought you had it. I thought you’d always be here.”

 

“Oh well that makes me feel better. I’m glad that me being kicked around by your brother really cleared up your conscience.” Mickey turns away as soon as he realizes what he just said. He’s never been that honest with anyone, much less Lip.

 

“I didn’t mean-, I-,” Lip stammers, unsure of how to move forward. “I’m sorry, Mickey. I never thought of it like that and I’m sorry me and Fiona didn’t realize that we were kind of abandoning you when we stopped helping Ian.”

 

Mickey guesses it just a day of firsts, because he’s also never heard Lip apologize before.

 

“Look, I’ll leave. Just, at least text Debbie. Let her know that you haven’t heard from Ian or whatever, okay?”

 

“Yeah, okay.” Mickey agrees, and heads toward his bedroom, making it clear to Lip that its time to go.

 

Mickey lays down in bed and grabs his phone.

 

**_Sorry I haven’t answered your calls. Ian hasn’t talked me and I don’t he’s going to so you can take me off your call sheet._ **

****

Debbie texts back almost immediately with a bunch of question marks, but Mickey just turns off his phone. He’s done his good deed for the day.

 

*

 

Mickey must have fallen asleep because all of sudden he is woken up by quick knocks on his door. He groans as he pulls himself out of bed to answer it.

 

He opens the door only to be meet by a 120 pound tornado named Svetlana storming past him.

 

“Yeah, come right in” Mickey quips sarcastically as Svetlana has already made herself at home by grabbing a beer out of his fridge.

 

“You are done with orange boy.” She commands, her stance challenging him to try and argue with her right now.

 

“Sure” Mickey says quietly as he takes a seat on the couch. Svetlana continues talking, having not heard his answer.

 

“He is no good for you. You are sad always. Is no good for Yevgeny to have no father for weeks. Is no good at all.”

 

“Okay” Mickey says again, a little bit louder but still calmly.

 

“And he-, wait, you say yes?” Svetlana says. She had definitely prepared for more of a fight. She had 5 more reasons locked in and ready to go. Her face softens and she sinks into the couch beside him.

 

“Something is wrong?” She asks, awkwardly patting him on the arm. They still haven’t reached a place where they comfort each other and have honest conversations about things other than Yevgeny.

 

“Nope.” Mickey says, breaking himself out of his trance and standing up, not wanting to give Svetlana the opportunity to study him any longer. “You asked and you got it. Your wish is my command and all the shit.”

 

Svetlana rolls her eyes, but doesn’t say anything further. She freed up her whole afternoon for what she thought was going to be World War III, so now she has time to waste. She leaves the house without any parting words, leaving Mickey to do whatever it is that Mickey does.

 

Mickey goes back to his couch, turning on the TV. He’s still getting used to be alone all the time. It’s not that he’s alone now anymore than usually, it’s just that this alone is different.

 

Even when Ian was gone, there was that possibility that he would call or come bounding through the door at any minute. It made the loneliness feel less permanent. He was only alone until Ian showed up. Now, however, the solitude is indefinite. And it’s worse than Mickey could have ever imagined.

 

*

Mickey is still on the couch a few hours later. He’s been fiddling with his phone for the past 30 minutes, trying to push himself to make the call. He finally presses the button and the phone dials.

 

“This is Mandy. You can leave a message, but I probably won’t listen to it.” _beep_

“Hey Mandy, it’s me. I, uh, I know we haven’t talked in a while and that’s on me, but I kinda need you right now. Could you, uh, call me or whatever?” Mickey’s voice starts to crack so he pauses. “I miss you, skank.” Mickey hangs up the phone, shaking his head, trying to make the tears go away. He hasn’t cried yet and he was hoping to keep it that way. But once it starts, he can’t stop.

 

 

*

 

And here we are. Another fucking night where Mickey is ripped from sleep by his fucking phone. He swears to God he’s gonna throw it into the fucking wall.

 

“What?”

 

“Hey Mick.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooo, who's on the phone? Is it Ian? Is it Mandy? Is it the delivery guy at the front door with pizza? Fuck, I wish!
> 
> Next is the Ian chapter so strap in folks! 
> 
> Thanks for kudos and comments!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, folks! The Ian chapter! Hope this fills some holes and answers some questions!

“So, Ian, how long have you known that you had bipolar disorder?”

 

“How long have I been here, 2 months? So yeah, about 2 months.”

 

“Now, Ian” Dr. Connor reprimands, shaking her head, “when you checked yourself into this hospital 62 days ago, you told us you had Bipolar disorder, so I’m gonna ask you again. How long have you known that you had bipolar disorder? Not diagnosed. Known.”

 

Ian sighs. “Since I was about 18.” He admits.

 

“And now you’re 23, meaning you’ve gone about 5 years without any sort of help or medication. Is that right?” Dr. Connor asks.

 

“Yep.”

 

“Well, Mr. Gallagher, that’s quite a feat. You’re lucky to have never been seriously injured or in prison, if I’m being honest. Why don’t you tell me how this all started? What’s your story? Start at the beginning.”

 

“Okay.” Ian takes a deep breath, trying to decide how to articulate everything he’s gone through.  “I didn’t even acknowledge that I had any sort of problem until I was about 20. Mickey sat me down and told me that we had to make rules if I was gonna live my life unmedicated. It was the first time I was forced to realize that my decisions didn’t just hurt me.”

 

“And who is Mickey?” Dr. Connor inquires.

 

“Mickey is, um, well, he’s the love of my life. He was also my boyfriend at some point, but I’m pretty sure we lost that somewhere in the past few years. Recently, he’s been more like my caretaker.” Ian answers.

 

“Caretaker? In what way?”

 

“Well, like 3 years ago, for example.”

 

_Ian is stumbling down a busy street, his energy draining quickly. Just 3 hours ago he was feeling good, great even. He was dancing and singing and throwing back shots like it was his job. Now, however, he’s just trying to make it home before he collapses. He promised Mickey he wouldn’t pass out in alleys anymore, but he can feel his stamina fading fast._

_Ian pulls out his phone to make the call he was trying to avoid._

_“Hello? Ian?” Mickey answers. His sweet, sweet Mickey. Too good to him, too kind. It’s always during his low phases that Ian realizes what he does to Mickey, realizes that he needs to change. But then his energy will come back and he feels fine. He is fine._

_Now, however, he’s not fine. He’s about two minutes from falling asleep in the middle of the sidewalk._

_“Mickey. I can’t make it. I need you. I can’t-” Ian says quietly, ashamed that he has to call for help._

_“Shit, Ian. Where are you? I’ll come.”_

_“I left Sidetrack, off North Halmstead.”_

_“Okay, okay. I’m coming. I’ll be there soon.”_

_Ian hears the phone hang up before he has a chance to say anything else. It seems that the phone call stole the remainder of his energy because at the moment, he slides down the brick wall he was leaning against and his eyelids start to fall._

_*_

_Ian is woken up by Mickey shaking him 20 minutes later._

_“Ian. Ian! C’mon you gotta get up. Help me out here.”_

_Ian uses whatever life he has left in him to help Mickey raise him to his feet. Once he’s up, he leans into Mickey. His Mickey. Always there to pick him up, figuratively and literally. He presses his face into Mickey’s neck, his eyes starting to water._

_“I’m sorry, Mick. I tried to make it. I did.” Ian sounds so pathetic. He can hear it in his voice, but he feels pathetic right now so he’s not even trying to mask it._

_“It’s okay, Ian.” Mickey assures him as Ian feels himself being lifted into a car._

_“No, it’s not okay. I promised. I promised to make it home.” Ian argues weakly._

_Either Mickey doesn’t say anything else after that or Ian falls asleep because the next thing he remembers is waking up in Mickey’s bed. It used to be their bed, but Ian doesn’t think he sleeps in it nearly enough to claim stake to it._

_He can hear Mickey in the kitchen and wants to call out to him. To go to him and wrap his arms around his torso and squeeze him tight. He wants to apologize for last night and all the other nights like this and promise to never let it happen again. He wants to promise that he’ll stay here tonight and every night for the rest of his life. That he’ll never leave Mickey again._

_But, his body won’t let him do any of that. Opening his eyes this morning took all the energy his body had for the entire day. Instead of getting up and hugging Mickey, he turns toward the wall and pulls the blanket tighter against him, trying to push out all the dark thoughts that are running through his mind._

“That was the first rule of ours that I broke.” Ian explains.

 

“I see.” Dr. Conner nods. “And, what about your family? You told everyone in group that you had many brothers and sisters.”

 

“Yeah, I do. I have two sisters and three brothers, but I haven’t seen them in a really long time. Except for Debbie. I see Debbie sometimes. But other than her, I never see my family.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“They don’t like me anymore.” Ian replies, his eyes sliding down to stare at the carpet.

 

“Why would think that?”

 

“Because our mother was bipolar, and she never got help either. They didn’t want to go through that again. I mean, I think that’s it. One day I came by and it was like a switch flipped and I wasn’t welcome at home anymore.”

 

“What happened?” Dr. Connor asked.

 

“Let’s just say it was bad.”

 

_Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. What did Ian just do? Why did he sleep with the guy? He didn’t even want to, not really. He regretted it the second it was over._

_He can’t go back home to Mickey, not right now. He can’t do that to him. So, Ian makes his way back to the Gallagher house. He goes there sometimes when he’s manic, but still in control enough to not want to bother Mickey._

_He opens to the front door and walks inside. He can hear Fiona and Debbie talking in the kitchen. He hasn’t seen them in a while and he misses them._

_They must hear the door open because they both turn and walk into the living room where Ian is now standing._

_Debbie rushes over to give Ian a hug, but Fiona's freezes in place. She seems to be having an internal debate. Suddenly, she talks._

_“Nope. I’m sorry, Ian, but you have to go.” Fiona says, hands on her hips to indicate that she is firm in her opinion._

_“What?” Ian and Debbie say simultaneously, both confused._

_“You can’t come here anymore. If you are going to live off your meds, then you are going to do it somewhere else.”_

_“You can’t kick him out, Fiona! He’s our brother!” Debbie yells, furious at Fiona for doing this right now._

_“Oh, I can, Debbie. This is my house. I pay the bills. So if I say he goes, then he goes.” She walks towards Ian, moving her hands in a shooing motion._

_“But, I, what, I” Ian can’t find any words because he knows Fiona is right. The problem is that if she kicks him out, he has no where to go._

_“I’m sorry, Ian. I love you, but I won’t sit around and let you ruin your life and ours. That’s Mickey’s shit, not mine.” Fiona says, pushing him toward the door and then slamming it in his face._

_He turns around after the door has shut. He can hear the sounds of Debbie and Fiona yelling at each other as he shuffles away from the house._

_He hangs his head and walks toward the only place where he’s always welcome._

“So you haven’t talked to Fiona since then?”

 

“No, I have. I see her here and there. Sometimes I still collapse on her porch when I’m high or heading into a low phase, but she usually ignores me as much as she can.”

 

“What about your other siblings? Your older brother perhaps?”

 

“I saw Lip about 8 months ago. He came to see Mickey one day and I just happened to be there.”

 

_Ian is taking a nap in Mickey’s bed. He’s been back for a week and he feels pretty normal. It’s been nice to just hang out with Mickey, cuddle and talk and just feel happy for a while._

_He’s startled awake by three loud knocks on the front door. Mickey’s in the kitchen so Ian just stays in bed and lets him take care of it._

_He hears the door open, followed by a voice he hasn’t heard in almost two years._

_“I need to talk to you.” Lip says, sounding very adamant about whatever he’s about to say next._

_“Jesus Christ, why are you here, Phillip?” Mickey says. Ian smiles at the way Mickey always sounds when he talks to Lip. It’s never changed. Always sounding like he’s exhausted by even the thought of having a conversation with him._

_“I just talked to Fiona.”_

_“And?” Mickey says, trying to move Lip along. Lip loves the air of drama. He’s always try to drag out these confrontations, like he thrives on the suspense._

_“And she told me that you’re still doing it.”_

_“Doing what? For fucks sake, Lip, just get to the fucking point!”_

_“That you’re still taking care of him. Still picking him up when he crashes and taking care of him when he’s low. Still letting him control every second of your life as though that’s gonna protect him from himself. It’s been over 3 years, Mickey! Clearly your plan isn’t working!”_

_“What the fuck do you want me to do then, huh? Just abandon him like you did? When’s the last time you even saw your fucking brother?”_

_“That’s not the point, Mickey!”_

_“Then what is the point? You want me to just ditch him. To stop taking his calls, to just let him die in a ditch somewhere just to hold my ground. Well, fuck that. You and Fiona may be able to just forget about him and pretend he never existed, but I can’t, so you might as well just leave me alone.”_

_Ian decides it’s time to get out of bed and let his presence be known. He considers just laying there, pretend to be asleep and they’ll never know that he heard this conversation. But, he did hear it. He heard everything. And there’s no turning back from that._

_He gets up and opens the bedroom door. Both Mickey and Lip’s heads snap to him, both faces taking on a look of guilt and sadness._

_“Shit, Ian. You weren’t supposed to hear this.” Mickey says, walking over toward him._

_“Why didn’t you tell me he was here?” Lip asks._

_“You came in guns a blazing. How was I supposed to know you were just coming to talk shit about your brother?”_

_“I wasn’t talking-. Look, Ian, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to hear that.”_

  
  
_“It’s okay.” Ian says. “Mick, can you give us a minute?”_

_Mickey nods and heads out the back door, probably to smoke a cigarette or ten._

_“Ian, I-“_

_“Lip, it’s okay.” Ian assures him. “I’ve missed you, ya know?” He says sheepishly._

_“Yeah, I’ve missed you too, man.” Lip agrees. “I hated how everything went down with Fiona and all, but now that you’re ready to get help, everyone will be thrilled to see you”_

_  
“What?” Ian steps back like he’s been burned by Lip’s words. “Help for what? I’m fine.”_

_“Fine? Ian, you can’t be serious. It’s been three years. There’s no way you’re still in denial.”_

  
  
_“I’m not in denial, Lip. There’s nothing to be in denial about.”_

  
  
_“Yes there is! Stop pretending you don’t know what’s been going on all this time!” Lip screams._

_The yells draw Mickey back inside. He takes one look at the broken expression on Ian’s face and decides its time for Lip to go._

_“Just leave, Lip. Go.” Mickey says, standing in front of Ian as if he’s shielding him from Lip’s words._

_“Throw your fucking life away, Ian. See if I care!” Lip yells as his parting words._

_As soon as the door slams shut, Ian crumbles into Mickey’s arms._

_“Why do they all hate me, Mick? They’re supposed to be my family.”_

  
  
_“Hey, hey” Mickey soothes. “They don’t hate you. They just worry about you.”_

_“But I’m fine. They don’t need to worry.”_

_Mickey doesn’t say anything after that. Just pulls Ian’s head down into his chest and lets him cry it out._

“So you haven’t seen Lip since that?” Dr. Connor asks.

 

“Nope. No call or text either.”

 

“Huh. Well, let’s talk about Mickey for a minute. You say he’s been taking care of you for the past four or five years, is that correct?”

 

“Yeah that’s right.”

 

“Then, did something happen? The visitor log says that no one has visited you since you checked in over two months ago.”

 

“No, nothing happened.” Ian answers sadly. “Well, nothing different happened. I just haven’t told anyone that I’m here. I kinda wanted to get better before I bothered anyone.”

 

“Well then, Ian, your challenge for this week is to call someone and let them know about all your progress. From what you’ve told me I believe anyone of your family members would be happy to hear that you’ve finally gotten some help.”  


“Okay” Ian agrees. “How much longer until I can leave?” He asks.

 

“You checked yourself in, Ian. You can leave whenever you want. However, I suggest that you stay for another 30 days or so. Your medication is working and you seem to be of stable mental state, but it’s been a long time since you lived a normal life. I think we need to make sure that everything is in order before you try to go out on your own.”

 

Ian nods. The doctor’s right. He wouldn’t even know where to start once he got out of here. Where would he live? What would he do?

 

Ian leaves the doctor’s office and heads to the phones while he still has the courage. He dials Mickey’s number; the only number he has memorized. The phone connects and he hears a voice he hasn’t heard in 62 days.

 

“What?”

 

“Hey Mick.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funtown: Sidetrack is the name of a real bar in Chicago. I was gonna just make up a bar, but it felt easier to just google it.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for your kudos and comments!
> 
> Still accepting prompts at ianmickgallagher.tumblr.com


	8. Chapter 8

“Hey Mick.” 

Mickey sits up in bed, suddenly much more awake than he has been for the past two months. If Mickey wasn’t too busy wondering where Ian has been then he’d be ashamed at how Ian just saying his name snaps him out of the funk he’s been in since he left.

“Ian. What the fuck? Where are you? Why didn’t you call? You’re supposed to call!” Mickey says, pretending that the call rule hasn’t been broken hundreds of times. 

“I know, Mick. And I’m sorry. I’ve been really shitty to you for way too long.”

“It’s okay, just, where are you? I’ll come get you and then we can figure stuff out.” Mickey says, assuming that Ian is a state or two away by now. 

“I’m, uh, I’m actually at a hospital.” 

“Holy shit. Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“No, no, Mick” Ian would laugh if it wasn’t so sad that Mickey’s first instinct is that Ian was injured in a manic state instead of that he was getting help. “I’m at Chicago-Read Mental Health Center. That’s where I’ve been for the past two months. I, uh, I’m finally on pills.”

“Fuck, Ian, that’s amazing. Why didn’t you tell me?” If Mickey wasn’t so happy that Ian finally got help, he’d be pissed that Ian waited two months to tell him. 

“I wanted to be stable before I told anyone. I’ve put you through enough and I didn’t want to get your hopes up if I ended up bailing after a week.” Ian admits, “but I did it. I’m staying for another 30 days, but it’s mostly a formality.”

“I’m so proud of you, Ian.” Mickey whispers, smiling and crying at the same time. 

“So, I was wondering if you wanted to come visit me, maybe?” Ian asks, nervously. “I mean, you don’t have to, but-“

“Of course I do, idiot” Mickey interrupts. “If you would’ve told me than I would’ve been there everyday!” 

Ian laughs, a real laugh, for the first time in months and it feels great. 

*

Mickey’s on top of the moon. Ian got help. He’s doing good. He isn’t passed out in a ditch somewhere or off on a manic spree. Mickey is all but floating around his house, trying to keep himself from driving to the hospital now even though he can’t visit until tomorrow. 

Suddenly his front door busts open to reveal Mandy and Iggy. They take one look at Mickey’s smiling face and release a collective sigh.

Mandy walks over and starts to punch Mickey’s chest. “What the fuck, asshole? You call me crying, saying you need me and then I walk in here and you’re fucking smiling? I thought you were dead or Ian was dead. I repeat, what the fuck?” 

“I kinda did think Ian was dead." Mickey admits. "But I just got good news, really good news, so, um.” He shrugs

“Oh, fuck you, we’re not leaving.” Mandy said, plopping down on the couch.

“Yeah, sorry bro. Not our fault we drove 5 hours for a false alarm. You’re stuck with us now.” Iggy added.

“Yeah, okay.” Mickey said, grinning. He was actually thrilled that his siblings were staying for a while. He’d really missed having real family around. 

Mandy and Iggy moved to Cincinnati three years ago after Iggy got a good job offer. Mandy just decided to tag along after a few too many bad relationships. Mickey was glad that they finally got out of Chicago, but it still meant that he was kind of alone.

If Mickey wasn’t always so worried about sounding weak, he would’ve asked them to come visit a long time ago.

But they were here now and Mickey was so excited to tell them about Ian getting help and also just to hang out with them. He’d really missed them. 

“So, you’re going to visit him tomorrow?” Mandy asks, as Mickey sits down in the chair across from her. 

“Uh, yeah. You guys wanna, uh, come, I guess?” Mickey offers, making it abundantly clear that he’d like to go alone. 

“Well, as sincere as that offer was, I think we’ll stay here.” Mandy says. “I’ll go later this week.” Mandy hasn’t seen Ian in at least a year. During one of his manic phases he drove down to visit her and Iggy before disappearing two days later. She really misses him and manic Ian isn’t real Ian so she feels like she hasn’t seen Ian in over 4 years. She’s excited to see him now that he’s gotten help and is more balanced. 

Mickey is still so full of nervous energy for tomorrow. His brother and sister’s arrival distracted him for a few hours, but it’s still only nine at night and he knows he won’t be able to sleep at all. 

He keeps rehearsing what he wants to say in his head. It’s been a long time since he’s had a real talk with Ian. He feels like they have 4 years worth of life to catch up on and he doesn’t know how to fit that into a 2 hour visit. 

He finally convinces himself to go to bed at about 1 am. He still doesn’t sleep, but he lies there with his eyes closed, trying to slow his thoughts. 

*

Mickey gets out of bed at seven. He makes coffee and breakfast for himself and his siblings. He knows that they probably won’t be up for a few more hours but he has to keep himself busy.

Strangely enough, Mandy comes stomping out of her room at eight. He’s missed having someone loud in the house. Even when he’s manic, Ian is light on his feet. But not Mandy. Mandy walks likes she lives. Unashamed. Unhindered. Demanding the attention of everyone within a 5 mile radius. He likes having someone here to fill up all the quiet space.

“Hey, Mands. I made breakfast.” 

“I can see that, Betty Crocker. Does this hotel come with lunch and dinner too, or just the continental breakfast.” Mandy jokes.

“Fuck off.” Mickey laughs. He’s also missed the simple banter with her. Everything with Ian also feels so intense, so emotionally charged. He forgot that you can talk to someone without having some secret agenda that you’re afraid to share. 

“So” Mandy says, “We gonna actually talk about that message you left me while fuckface is still asleep? I never let Iggy hear it, I just told him you were in trouble.” 

“No, we don’t need to talk about it.” Mickey says, turning back to the stove. 

Mandy grabs his arm, turning his body back around and stares right into his eyes. She also had the power to drain the fight out of him with a single glance. 

“Okay, fine. Geez.” Mickey relents, sitting down at the table. “I was just feeling alone, okay? I wanted to talk to someone, you preferably.” Mickey admits. “God, this is so gay. Since when do we have heart-to-hearts?” 

“Um, since we grew up and stopped pretending that we are robots who don’t feel.” Mandy teases. “It’s okay to need help. I have Iggy and you have the Gallaghers. No one can do it alone.”

Mickey laughs, loud and harsh. “Yeah, I have the Gallaghers. Ha!” He scoffs. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Fiona and Lip decided they were done with Ian a month after you guys left. I’ve been doing this shit alone for three years.”

Mandy’s eyebrows raise and she sits shocked for a moment. Mickey leans back in his chair, assuming Mandy isn’t gonna say anything until she rears back and punches him in the arm, hard.

“What the fuck, bitch?” Mickey yells, rubbing the spot on his arm that she just pegged.

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me? How are you even still upright? Ian was with us for two days and I felt like I need a month’s vacation to recover from that whirlwind.”

“Yeah, unmedicated Ian is a handful.” Mickey huffs.

“When are you gonna grow up and stop being afraid to ask for help, huh?” Mandy asked, arms crossed.

“I fucking called you, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, three years later.” Mandy scoffs.

“What’s with all the yellin’? It’s fucking ten in the morning!” Iggy says, wiping his eyes and heading start for the food. 

“Shit, it’s ten am? I better go! Visiting hours start at 12!” Mickey says, standing up, frantically pulling at his clothes. 

“The hospital’s only like 45 minutes away.” Mandy says. Mickey just flips her off and picks up his keys, leaving his siblings without even a wave.

“Well, Igs, strap in. There’s no way that boy is coming home alone.” 

“Ugh,” Iggy sighs. “Gallagher better not steal my phone like he did last time.” He says as he plops down in a chair.

Mandy laughs as she steals a piece of bacon off of Iggy’s plate. “Maybe hide it just in case.” 

*

Mickey gets to the hospital an hour early. He’s been pacing in the waiting room, staring a hole through the clock. At this rate, the lady at the front desk is probably gonna call a nurse to sedate him. 

After what feels like days, he is escorted to the visitor’s room. He sits on a couch, trying to appear casual, but the anxious bounce in both his legs give him away. 

Ian finally turns the corner and Mickey is frozen in place. Ian is at least 30 pounds heavier, no longer the skeleton figure that Mickey has grown accustomed to. His cheeks have more color, his eyes are brighter, his hair is trimmed and styled. It has a slight wave in it that lets Mickey know that Ian has been nervously running his fingers through it all day. At least he’s not the only one who’s a little anxious for this reunion.

Mickey snaps out of his trance when Ian stops a few feet from him as though he’s unsure of how to proceed. Mickey jumps up and yanks him into a hug. Mickey feels Ian grip him back just as tightly and it softens his nerves. 

They pull back after a few minutes and Ian motions for Mickey to sit down. 

“So,” Mickey starts, “How are you?”

“I’m good. Great. I feel clearer than I have in years. I should’ve done this sooner.” He tries to joke, but it too true for anyone to actually laugh at. 

Mickey nods. “Well, you look great.” He says.

Ian isn’t sure why it feels so awkward, but then he realizes it’s been too long since him and Mickey have had a real talk. As soon as Ian’s medication was stable, he understood how much time he wasted. The past four years are a blur of ups and downs, just time that he’s lost. 

Mickey speaks again and Ian’s head snaps up.

“So, you said you have another month in here?” He asks.

“Yeah.” Ian nods. “Technically, I can leave whenever I want, but my doctor suggests I stay a little longer to make sure everything is settled. Besides, I still have a lot to figure out. Like where I’m gonna live and what I’m gonna do.”

Mickey brows furrow in confusion. “What do you mean? You’ll live with me, right?” He says. 

Ian eyes look up to meet Mickey’s. “Mick, we need to talk.” He says solemnly.

Mickey’s heart stops. Fuck. In his excitement, he forgot about this possibility. The possibility that Ian would get help and get stable and then realize that he didn’t want Mickey. Someone who couldn’t even keep him safe. Hell, he couldn’t even get Ian to stay around for longer than a week. Of course Ian doesn’t want to be with him. 

“You’re breaking up with me, right?” Mickey asks, doing his best to keep the tears from falling. 

“No! What? It’s not-” Ian sighs, trying to put his thoughts into words. “Look, I’ve done a lot of horrible shit over the past four years and while I’ve been here, I’ve been able to forgive myself for almost all of it. But there’s one huge thing that I can’t get past.”

Mickey nods. He’s not sure where Ian is going with this. What did Ian do that was so bad that he can’t move on?

“It’s you.” Ian says.

“What?”

“How I treated you.” Ian’s tears start to fall and Mickey is still so confused. “All I ever wanted when I met you was to be in a relationship with you. To have a family with you and wake up everyday beside you. You gave that to me, but then I let my mind get the best of me. I stomped all over you for years. I cheated on you constantly. I only called you when I needed you to take care of me. I abandoned you time and time again. And you let me because the worst thing I did was wear you down into a shell of the man you once were. I couldn’t see how badly I was tearing you apart and so I kept doing it over and over and over again.” Ian is sobbing now, so harshly that it is drawing the attention of the other visitors.

“Ian, it’s okay. I’m not mad.” Mickey says, trying to the soothe the man that he is watching fall apart.

“That’s the problem!” Ian says, a little too loudly. “You should be mad! You should be furious. You shouldn’t even want to see me, much less have me move back into your house. I mean, fuck! I’m the worst. How do you not hate me?” Ian asks, tears still streaming down his face. “When Yevgeny was born, I was thrilled by the idea of being part of his life and now he’s five and he doesn’t even know who the fuck I am!” Ian is yelling and sobbing now and Mickey’s knows that he’s about two seconds from being escorted back out. 

“Ian, you need to calm, okay? You were sick, but you got help.”

“Yeah.” Ian scoffs. “Only took me four years.” 

Mickey sighs, rubbing his hand up and down Ian’s back. “Ian, I don’t know what you want from me. What? I took stood by you for four years while you were unmedicated and now that you got help I’m supposed to leave?” 

“I don’t know, Mick. I love you. Of course I’d love to come live with you, to finally have the life I always dreamed of with you, but I think maybe we should spend some time as just friends. I want you be sure that this is what you want, and not what you feel obligated to do. Just think about it, okay?”

Mickey nods. He doesn’t really know where to go from here. A life with Ian is all he’s ever wanted too. But Ian’s right. Why is he not mad? What happened to him over the past four years that he lost all capability to be angry? 

“Time’s up!” The nurse announces. “Please say your goodbyes and exit.”

“So, can I still visit?” Mickey asks, unsure of what the rules are now.

“Of course, Mick. There are no guidelines to this. If you come back in a week and tell me that this is what you want, then I’ll be happy. I just want you to be sure.”

Mickey nods as Ian pulls him into a hug. “I love you, you know?” Ian whispers. He knows he probably has only said that in a manic or depressive phase during the past few years so he wants Mickey to hear when he really means it. He pulls back from the hug, moving his hands to cradle Mickey’s face. “I really love you.”

Mickey nods again and gives Ian a soft smile. He then turns and heads back to the car. He has a lot to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for Ian and Mickey having a real conversation! 
> 
> Still accepting prompts on [my tumblr](ianmickgallagher.tumblr.com)


	9. Chapter 9

Ian is left with a new sense of courage after Mickey leaves. He feels like for once in his life he was able to say what he was thinking. Now he just has to wait and see what Mickey decides. 

With this new strength he decides to start contacting his family. He knows that while Mickey took the brunt of his actions, his family still suffered. He chooses to start with the worst and work his way down.

“Who is this and why are you calling me?”

“Hey, Fi.” Ian greets, sheepishly, he knows this conversation is gonna be rough at first. 

“What do you want, Ian? I’m not picking you up from wherever you’re stranded.”

“No.” Ian laughs humorlessly. “I don’t need a ride. I, uh, I’m at a hospital. I got help, Fi.”

“What?”

“I’m on meds, now. I’m stable. I’ve been here for two months.”

“Holy shit, Ian. Why didn’t you tell us?” Fiona asks.

“I just, I wanted to be ready, ya know?” 

“Yeah. Shit. Yeah.” She says, pausing, not sure how to go forward, their relationship only a shell of what it once was.

“You can come visit me, maybe?” He offers, nervous that she still won’t want to see him. "I mean, if you want?"

“Fuck, Ian. Of course I want to come!”

“I’m at Chicago-Read Mental Health Center. Visiting hours are 12 to 2. Bring Debbie, maybe.”

“Okay.” She confirms. “Wow, I’m so proud of you, Ian.” 

“Thanks, Fi.”

Ian hangs up, happy that the first sibling is settled and now he's ready to move down the list. 

*

“So, did you talk to any of your family like I suggested?” Dr. Connor asks.

“I talked to all of them, actually.” Ian says. “Mickey even visited a few days ago.”

“That’s great, Ian.” She says. “What about your family? Are they coming to visit?”

“Yeah. Debbie is coming today and Fiona and Lip are coming tomorrow.” He says, but Dr. Connor can sense a lack of excitement.

“And how do you feel about this?” She asks.

“To be honest, I’m pretty nervous.” He admits.

“Why is that?”

“Lip used to be my best friend and Fiona was like our mom, but at some point after I got sick, they became this united front against me. I understand now that it was because I needed help and everything, but I still feel like it’s me against them.”

“That’s actually quite common, Ian. In their own little way, it’s like they had an intervention for you and since you weren’t part of that decision process, it probably feels like you’re on the outside looking in.” She says.

“Yeah, it really does.” Ian admits.

“And that’s okay, Ian.” She comforts. “Now, I don’t know your siblings personally, but from what you’ve told me, I believe they will be nothing but happy about all that you’ve accomplished here. So when they come to visit, try to be honest with them about how you feel. All of your emotions are completely valid so try and express what you are going through, okay?” 

Ian nods. Mind already bouncing from thought to thought. He has no clue what he wants to say to the people who haven’t been his family for years. 

*

Thankfully, Debbie is visiting today. Ian is grateful because she’ll be a good buffer between the visit with Mickey and the visit with Fiona and Lip. 

As soon as he enters the visiting room, Debbie jumps up and runs over to hug him. 

“Ian!” She squeals. “I missed you!”

“Hey Debs, I missed you too!” He says, squeezing her tight. 

He motions for her to sit and she immediately starts talking about everything he’s missed. She’s barely taking a breath, just going, going, going, going. 

Ian really enjoys it. It makes him feel normal. Listening to Debbie talk about her boy woes and friend drama is something he used to do all the time before this whole thing started.

Debbie finally seems to be winding down so Ian takes it as an opportunity to talk. 

“Debbie, I owe you a huge thank you. I’m your older brother, but you’ve really looked after me these past few years and I don’t know where I’d be if you didn’t.”

“We’re family.” She smiles. “Even if Fiona and Lip forgot that, I’ll always be here for you.” She says.

Ian starts to tell her that he’s not mad at Fiona and Lip, but he doesn’t want to ruin the moment. He owes her that much, so he’ll let her have this for now. 

*

“So, Fiona told me that her and Lip are visiting tomorrow.” Mickey says, phone wedged between his ear and shoulder as he cooks macaroni and cheese for Yevgeny.

“Yep.” Ian nods, even though Mickey can’t see him. “I’m really fucking nervous, Mick.” He says a little softer, like it’s a secret.

“I know, but it’ll be fine, right? They love you and you getting help is all they ever wanted.” Mickey says, trying to comfort Ian and help calm his nerves.

“Yeah, like 3 years ago. Once the initial shock is gone, they’ll just be pissed.” 

“I don’t think so, Ian.” Mickey disagrees. “I know you didn’t see a lot of it, but they still worried about you everyday. I mean, shit, I didn’t realize it that half the time. Even though they said they weren’t chasing after you, if you were ever gone more than a week or two, they were on my doorstep or calling my phone. They never really let you go, Ian.”

“Wow, I never knew that.”

Ian’s conversation with Mickey really made him feel better. He knew it would though, that’s why he called. Maybe now he’s ready for whatever he’ll face tomorrow. 

At least he hopes so. 

*

A nurse wakes him up at 7am so he can take his medication. Most days he goes back to sleep after he takes his pills, but he’s too hyped up today.

Fiona and Lip will be here in five hours and Ian is freaking out. What if they’re pissed it took him so long to get help? What if they still don’t want him in their life? What if they don’t even come?

Ian’s mind is racing. He wants to call Mickey again, but things are still kind of weird between them. They’ve talked on the phone, but it’s still unclear where they’re at relationship wise.

Finally, it’s time for visiting hours and Ian is lead to the visitor's lounge. He spots Fiona and Lip immediately and takes a deep breath before walking over. 

Fiona jumps up and pulls Ian into a hug. “Hey, sweetface! I’ve missed you!”

Ian smiles and starts to relax a little bit. “I’ve missed you too, Fi.”

“Hey man.” Lip says. He opens his arms in request for a hug too. 

Ian hugs him tight. He thinks he’s missed his brother most of all. 

“Let’s sit.” Fiona says, wiping her eyes so she can pretend she’s not starting to tear up. 

“So, how have you been?” Lip asks.

“Really good.” Ian says. “I’m on quetiapine and ziprasidone for now. I’ve been stable for 6 weeks so we think those drugs will work for a while. I go to three different therapists and one therapy group every week.”

“That’s great, Ian.” Fiona says. “We’re so proud of you.” 

Ian grins. He still feels a little awkward. He realized when he first got stable how badly all his relationships had suffered while he was sick. 

“How long until you get out?” Lip asks.

“About three weeks.” Ian answers.

“And you’ll come home with us?” Fiona asks, clearly wanting the answer to be yes.

Ian shrugs. “I, uh, I’m not sure.” He says. “Probably. I doubt Mickey’s gonna want me around.”

Fiona has to stop herself from rolling her eyes. “Please, Ian. That boy would die for you ten times over.”

“Yeah, well, he shouldn’t. I’m definitely not worth it.” Ian sighs. 

“Ian.” Fiona comforts. “You made a lot of mistakes and you know that, but you need to forgive yourself. You were sick.”

“I KNOW I WAS SICK.” Ian shouts. “BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU ALL SHOULD JUST PRETEND I DIDN’T HURT YOU.” Ian takes a deep breath to calm himself down. “I mean, how can you forgive me? I’m no better than Frank or Monica.”

“Hey.” Lip scolds. “You are not Frank or Monica. You don’t have kids that you’ve been abandoning for decades.” He says. “And now you got help. Monica never lasted longer than 48 hours in one of these places, but you’ve been here for two months. You’re not the same, Ian and that’s why we forgive you.” 

Ian nods, pushing back the tears. Deep down he knows that he’s not as bad as Frank or Monica. Hell, that fact that he feels remorse at all proves that. But he still feels like he needs to be punished. 

“So, is it okay for me to stay with you guys?” Ian asks timidly.

“Of course.” Fiona says. "What's the next step? Like do you have a plan of what you want to do? I can get you a job at the diner."

“I kinda already have a job, so I should be out of your hair once I make enough money for an apartment.”

“What job?” Lip asks.

“Apparently once when I was manic, I started the process of becoming an EMT. Obviously I didn't do much of the work then, but while I’ve been here I finished my coursework and took the exam. My therapist vouched for me and got me a job.”

“Holy shit, Ian” Fiona says. “That’s amazing.”

“Yeah. It was Mickey’s idea. He told me that he got a call from the instructor saying I had missed a few classes.” Ian laughs. “Just another thing I owe him for.” He says, sadly. 

“Look” Fiona starts, “I agree that maybe it’d be good for you and Mickey to live apart for a while, but don’t let your guilt push him away. He loves you, and if he says that he still wants to be with you, then believe him, okay?”

Ian nods. He knows that Fiona is right. The only reason he’d push Mickey away is so that he could feel like he’s punishing himself.

“Visiting time is over. Please say your goodbyes.” The nurse calls.

Fiona and Lip stand. “Fuck. I’m gonna miss you, sweetie.” Fiona says. Lip nods in agreement.

“You can visit whenever you want.” Ian says. He hugs them goodbye and watches as they leave.

Ian knows that this is a new start for him and he is determined not to fuck it up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Family stuff resolved! Hope you are still liking this! We've got about 3/4 chapters left so strap in!
> 
> As always, thank you so much for your kudos and comments.
> 
> Still accepting prompts at [my tumblr](ianmickgallagher.tumblr.com)


	10. Chapter 10

Mandy woke up to the sound of her brother pacing outside her door. She knew what this meant. He was nervous and wanted to talk to her, but still had a little bit of Terry in the back of his head telling him it was weak to ask for help or express any feelings.

 

“Just come in before you wear a hole in the floor, fuckface.”

 

She heard the pacing stop and there was silence for a minute before her door creaked open.

 

“Uh, hi.” Mickey says, staring at the ground. “How are you?” He asks, trying to deflect the attention from himself.

 

“Fuck off, douchebag.” Mandy scoffs. “You’ve been walking back and forth in front of my door for an hour. Just ask whatever you want to ask.”

 

Mickey looks up at her with wide eyes as though he’s been caught. She raises an eyebrow at him and he concedes, walking to sit on the edge of her bed.

 

“I just, I don’t know what to do, Mandy.” He explains, shrugging. “I go today to see Ian for the last time before he gets out of the hospital and I still don’t know what to say.”

 

“Well, do you still love him? Do you still want to be with him?” She asks.

 

“Of course. That’s all I ever wanted.”

 

“Then what’s the problem?”

 

“The problem is, why aren’t I mad? Shouldn’t I hate him?”

 

“I don’t know, Mick. I honestly have no clue how you made it this long. When he stayed with me and Iggy for two days, I almost lost it. How did you do it?”

 

“It wasn’t all bad.” Mickey says, thinking back to when Ian was around for a while last year.

 

_Mickey is on his way home from work and he is happy for once. Wow. That’s weird to think. He’s happy. Mickey’s not quite sure when was the last time he was this happy._

_Ian’s been back for two weeks and he’s been balanced for 10 days. They’ve talked and cuddled and watched movies and Mickey feels like he’s fifteen again, falling for the freckle-faced kid that was friends with his sister._

_Mickey opens the door of his house and is greeted by the smell of someone cooking dinner._

_“Ian?” He calls out._

_Ian comes rushing into the living room. “Babe!” He squeals, picking Mickey up and spinning him around. Mickey giggles and Ian puts him down and kisses him deeply._

_“I missed you today.” Ian says, kissing Mickey once more._

_“Is that dinner I smell?” Mickey asks, smile so wide it’s hurting his cheeks._

_“Yep! I made your favorite! Pot roast and mashed potatoes.”_

_“You didn’t have to do that.” Mickey says, face blushing pink._

_“I know.” Ian nods. “But I wanted to. I love making you happy.” He says, hugging Mickey once more and pecking his cheek._

_Mickey tries to hide his blush, but he knows Ian has already spotted it._

_Mickey goes to his room to change out of his work clothes while Ian finishes cooking. When he comes back out, the table is set and the plates are full of food. Ian looks up to see Mickey entering the room and waves him over._

_“Come. Sit, sit. I want you to see if you like it.”_

_“I’m sure I’ll love it.” Mickey assures Ian, sitting beside him and sliding his hand to grasp Ian’s._

_They sit and eat and talk for an hour. It’s times like these that make Mickey forget that this won’t last for forever._

_  
When he wakes up in two weeks, alone in bed, a note from Ian pinned to the pillow, it’ll shock him just like it always does._

_For some reason, Ian has the ability to keep all sense and reason out of Mickey’s mind when he’s around. His smile blocks Mickey from the doubts. His laugh makes Mickey forget the past. His kiss gives Mickey hope that this time could last forever._

“Sometimes he’d stay for 3 weeks or a month and be fine, and I’d forget that it wouldn’t last forever.” Mickey admits to Mandy. “But now, he’s healthy and stable and what if it could last forever? Right? Shouldn’t I at least give it a try?”

 

“You have to decide for yourself, Mickey. Can you survive through more heartbreak if Ian comes home and then goes off his meds?”

 

Mandy’s given him a lot to think about on the drive to the hospital. Can he survive being left again? He’s not sure.

 

*

 

Mickey is sitting in the visitor’s lounge, trying to will his brain not to explode. He hasn’t seen Ian since that first visit about a month ago. They talk on the phone every couple of days, but Mickey decided not to visit while he made his decision. Now the time has come to tell Ian what he has decided and he’s freaking out.

 

Mickey rehearsed his speech over and over again during the car ride here, but he’s still worried that he won’t be able to say what he means while staring into Ian’s eyes.

 

*

 

Ian turns the corner and sees Mickey, sitting on the couch, legs bouncing and hands gripping the seat. He turns back so Mickey doesn’t see him and takes a deep breath.

 

He has no clue what Mickey is going to say, but he has already promised himself that he won’t cry. He doesn’t want to make this any harder on Mickey than it is. He’s just gonna take deep breaths and accept Mickey’s decision, whatever it may be.

 

Once Ian has siked himself back up, he walks into the visitor’s room and over to Mickey.

 

Mickey looks up and sees Ian approaching. He hops up off of his seat to embrace him. Even though he's been apart from Ian a lot longer than a month in the past, for some reason, knowing that he was here and stable made Mickey miss him even more than he usually does. They pull back to sit down and are immediately suffocated by the awkward tension and silence.

 

“So, um, how have you been?” Ian tries to start the conversation.

 

“Good. Yeah, good.” Mickey says, eyes on his hands instead of Ian’s face. There’s another long pause that forces Mickey to forget the small talk and just go for it.

 

“Look, Ian.” Mickey starts, causing Ian’s head to jerk up. “I thought about what you said last time I was here and I think you’re right.” He says.

 

Ian nods. Fuck. He was afraid this was going to happen. Mickey decided that Ian hurt him too much for them to go back. They’re done. Fuck.

 

“Okay.” Ian replies. “Well, thank you for giving it some thought. And uh, sorry again.” Ian stands, looking for the fastest way to leave the room so Mickey doesn’t see him cry.

 

“Wow. Where are you going?” Mickey asks, also standing and trying to get Ian to meet his eye line. “Shit, Ian. Don’t cry.” He soothes, reaching out to try and calm Ian down.

 

Ian pushes his palms into his eyes, trying to push the tears back into his face. He sits down again, but still won’t look at Mickey’s face.

 

“It’s fine, Mick. I knew I had hurt you too much for us to be together, but it stills sucks to hear.” he says. “Can we still be friends, maybe?” Ian asks quietly.

 

“I don’t want to be your friend, Ian” Mickey answers. Ian’s tears start rolling faster, but he tries to hide it. Mickey gently grabs his hands and pulls them away from his face. “I want to be with you, Ian.”

 

“What?” Ian finally looks up. “But you said-”

 

“I meant you were right as in we shouldn’t live together. You need to get back to living a normal life and also be with your family for a while, but I still want to be with you.” Mickey explains, wiping at the tears under Ian’s eyes.

 

Ian eyebrows rise up on his forehead. “Really?”

 

“Of course, Ian. I love you.” Mickey replied. Ian’s heart swelled. He hasn’t heard Mickey say that since before he got better. He wraps himself around Mickey, tears falling now for a completely different reason.

 

“Fiona and Lip will come pick you up tomorrow and take you home, okay? But you can come see me after that if you want.”

 

“Are you sure?” Ian asks. He’s overwhelmed with emotion, but he’s still conscious enough to want to confirm that this is what Mickey really wants.

 

“Ian, I’m only going to say this once. I want you. Forever and always and all that cheesy shit. I want you to be with me and grow old with me and be apart of my family.” Mickey says, promptly melting Ian’s heart and soul. “But I don’t want to rush us into anything. That’s why I think it’s best for you to live with your family right now so you can focus on you, but as soon as you’re settled and ready, I want to start a life with you.”

 

Ian surges forward, pulling Mickey into the first kiss they’ve shared in month. Mickey is overwhelmed with the feeling of Ian. He has loved this boy for years and now he finally gets to be with him for real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a few chapters left, babes! 
> 
> Thank you so much for your continual support! 
> 
> Come talk to me or prompt me on [my tumblr](ianmickgallagher.tumblr.com)


	11. Chapter 11

Today’s the day.

Ian is finally moving out of the Gallagher house. He’s been saving up for the past four months and he found an apartment he likes that’s close to his work.

These past few months have been great. Sure, there have been challenges. Ian feels more like a prison inmate readjusting to civilian life than a someone fresh out of the hospital. 

His family has been so supportive of his journey and he and Mickey are in a great place.

Ian and Lip moved most of his stuff into his new apartment yesterday, so now he’s just picking up the final box from the Gallagher house. 

Ian looks around the place that he grew up in, a place where he’s never gonna live again. There are great memories here, of course, but there are bad ones as well so Ian is ready to move on to home that has a clean slate. 

He grabs the final box of his belongings and heads to his car. Fiona rushes out behind him, tears threatening to fall.

“I’m gonna miss you, sweetface.” She says, sniffling. 

“Fi, I’m only fifteen minutes away. You can see me whenever you want.”

“I know. I know.” She says. “But it won’t be same.” 

“Yeah.” Ian confirms. “The Gallaghers are moving on up.” He jokes.

He gives her one last hug and walks around to get into his car. 

*

When Ian walks up to his apartment, he can hear Mickey inside getting dinner ready.

Ian had barely even finished signing the lease when he gave Mickey a key. He wanted days like these, coming home to find his boyfriend already inside waiting for him. 

“Hey you.” Ian greets, trying and failing to hide the cheek splitting grin on his face. 

“Hey.” Mickey replies. “I decided to come make dinner, I hope that’s okay.”

“Of course.” Ian says, sliding his hands around his boyfriend’s torso. 

They’ve been good like this for a while, always seem to be on the same page.

But Ian’s been holding something back. Something that he wanted Mickey to bring up. Clearly that’s not happening so Ian decided that tonight is this night. 

Ian finishes setting the table as Mickey brings the food over. Mickey has noticed that Ian’s gone quiet, he can see the endless thoughts scrolling through his head. They sit down so Mickey decides to investigate.

“Hey. You okay?”

Ian nods, surprised at the question. “What? Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine”

“You sure?” Mickey asks, unconvinced.

“Well, I need to talk to you about something.” Ian starts.

“Okay.” Mickey nods, hoping to encourage Ian to continue. “You can tell me anything. You know that.”

Ian nods. He does knows that. He can tell Mickey anything. Here goes, nice and easy.

“Can I see Yevgeny?” Ian rushes out. Shit. That was not nice and easy. That’s abundantly clear based on the shocked look on Mickey’s face. Ian tries to start over. “Wait. I mean, it’s been a while and I’ve been stable for almost four months so I wanted to know if I could meet Yevgeny, right?”

Mickey nods slowly, trying to process all the words that just poured out of Ian’s mouth. He can tell Ian’s anxious, ready for an answer that Mickey doesn’t have. 

“I don’t know, Ian.” Is all that comes out.

“What?” Ian looks surprised. He clearly thought that this was going to be a simple conversation. 

“I just, I mean-. I have to talk to Svetlana, okay? She’s in charge, but also I don’t know. I mean, you have been good for a while, but you get why we can’t rush into this, right?”

“Sure, I do, but I just thought-” Ian hangs his head. He feels crushed and stupid and disappointed. He knew that this was a possibility, but he thought he was ready. 

“Ian-”

“It’s fine, Mick. I get it.” Ian says, staring at his dinner, pushing it around his plate but not actually eating it. 

“These things, they take time, ya know?”

“I KNOW!” Ian snaps, a little too loud. “I know. I messed up, for too long and now no one trusts me with a baby because I might hurt him or run off with him or whatever. I get it.” He says, quieter but with the same bite. 

“No.” Mickey says, starting to get irritated. “I don’t think you do get it. He’s not a baby. If you hurt him or abandon him, he’s not just gonna forget like last time. He’s six, Ian. He remembers everything, soaks it all up like a fucking sponge. This isn’t some decision that can be taken lightly, okay?” Mickey explains, trying to get Ian to understand, but Ian’s already shut down.

“Look, I think we both need to stop and decide what we really want, okay? I feel like this is the first step for us if we’re ever gonna live together and be a real family, but maybe you don’t want that.” Ian says, heading toward his bedroom. “So just go, and I’ll text you tomorrow or whatever.” Ian finalizes his statement by slamming the bedroom door behind him.

“Fuck.” Mickey whispers, scrubbing a hand down his face. He sighs, grabbing his coat and leaving Ian’s apartment. 

*

“Piece of shit husband, get up.” 

Mickey groans, blinking open his eyes to be met with the sight of pissed off Russian woman looming over his bed. 

“Geez, Svet, why? It's so fucking early.” He mumbles, sitting up in bed. “Also, not your husband anymore.”

“Eh, call me, uh” She snaps her fingers like she’s trying to remember the word. “Ah, sentimental.” 

Mickey huffs out a laugh. He and Svetlana have built something resembling a relationship over the years. Even though they meet under horrendous circumstances, they both love Yevgeny and called a truce for his sake. 

“Why are you here, Svet?” 

“School call. They say Yevgeny was late this morning.” 

“Sorry, okay? I’ve had a rough few days.” Mickey explains. It’s a week since he’s seen Ian. He’s spent that time thinking about what Ian said. Is he not ready to move on with him? Are the years of an unstable life with Ian finally catching up to him?

Svetlana sighs, throwing her hands up in the air. “What did orange boy do now?” She asks exasperatedly. 

“Nothing.” Mickey says immediately, but too quickly and anxiously to really fool anyone.

“Mhmm.” Svetlana smirks.

“Okay, fine. We had a fight because he thinks its time that he meets Yev.” 

“What was fight? He can meet Yevgeny.”

“What? You’re okay with him meeting Yev?” Mickey asks, shocked. 

“Sure.” She replies. “He is fixed, yes?”

Mickey rolls his eyes at how even after all these years, Svetlana still doesn’t know that bipolar isn’t something that gets ‘fixed’, but he doesn’t correct her.

“Yeah, he’s fine.” He says.

“Then what is problem? He has never hurt Yevgeny.”

“Because I kept him away from Yev. And what if I let Ian meet him and then he does hurt him?” 

“Children are resilient. They are tough. Yevgeny will not fall apart if orange boy runs away.” Svetlana argues. “When Yevgeny was baby, orange boy was like papa and he can be again, but only if you let him.” 

“Well, fuck.” Mickey says, wondering when his ex-wife turned in this responsible and rational adult. “I thought you were gonna bad cop. But if your good cop, then where the fuck does that leave me?” 

“You are stupid fucking idiot cop.” She says, turning to leave. “Americans, always talking and talking, never doing.” She murmurs on her way out.

Mickey lays back down as he hears Svetlana slam the front door. Maybe she’s right and he is over thinking this. Ian’s been stable for a while. He has a job that he’s great at and he’s proved to Mickey and his family that he really wants this normal life. 

Mickey is torn from his thoughts by a knock on the door.

“Come in.” He yells, not knowing who he is, but he can’t be bothered to get up.

“Hey.” 

Mickey turns his head to see Ian standing in the doorway. Mickey shuffles his body over on the bed to signal for Ian to lie down. Ian does, reaching his hand down to grasp Mickey’s. 

“I’m sorry.” Ian says. “The past four years of my life are such a blur, that these five months have felt like a lifetime. I forget that just because I don’t remember everything I did to you, doesn’t mean that you forgot it too. I understand that you want more time before you bring Yevgeny into this. I was being selfish, but I just don’t want to miss anymore of his life than I already have.”

Mickey moves his body to rest his head on Ian’s chest.

“I know. I wanted to apologize too. You caught me by surprise and I kinda lashed out instead of really thinking.” 

Ian nods even though Mickey can’t see it. They lay like that, arms around each other before Mickey decides to put Ian out of his misery. 

“I talked to Svet today.” He starts, feeling Ian tense and his heart beat faster.

“And?” Ian whispers.

“And she’s fine with you meeting Yev. She says, ‘child is tough’.” Mickey jokes in a horrible Russian accent.

Ian laughs. “Wow. I thought she hated me.”

“She probably does.” Mickey teases. “But before everything happened, you were a better dad than me and she remembers that.” 

Ian grins, his eyes starting to water. Mickey feels Ian tense again. “What’s wrong?” He asks.

“So, that means it’s up to you.” Ian says, quietly, not wanting to upset this balance they just achieved. 

“Yeah.” Mickey mumbles. “It’s up to me.”


	12. Chapter 12

Ian is freaking out.

 

Not like a just a little freaking out. Like full on, going crazy, pacing back and forth for hours freaking out.

 

He keeps cleaning the same spots in the apartment over and over and over again. He can’t stand to wait any longer so he pulls out his phone and texts Mickey.

 

**_Are you guys almost here?_ **

****

**_Yeah, five minutes away._ **

****

“Shit.” Ian whispers, looking around frantically for something out of place that he can fix. There’s a stack of new toys in the corner that he’s rearranged six times.

 

He took Liam to store with him yesterday and bribed the nine year old to help pick out gifts for Yevgeny. Hopefully they like the same things.

 

He hears a knock on the door and knows that Mickey only knocked instead of just coming in so that Ian had one last moment to pull himself together.

 

Fuck. Here we go. Yevgeny is on the other side of the door. Ian is seeing him for the first time almost five years. He's freaking out. What if Yevgeny hates him? What if Mickey was right and Ian is only gonna hurt Yevgeny at some point?

  
Ian tries to push all the fears and doubts out of his mind and takes a final deep breath. Okay. Here we go.

 

He opens the door and sees the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

 

Mickey is standing there with a little blonde haired boy that comes up to just below his waist. He has an arm wrapped around Mickey’s leg and is peeking up at Ian beneath the long, wispy hairs that cover the top half of his face.

 

Ian just stares back at the kid for a moment, shocked at how big he is. Shocked that this is the same kid as the baby that he helped raise for the first year of his life. He realizes its been too long without him saying anything so he squats down to introduce himself.

 

“Hi.” Ian says, kind of quietly as though he’s scared to spook the kid. “I’m Ian.”

 

Yevgeny nods, releasing his grip on his father's leg. “My name is Yevgeny, but most people can’t say it so you can call me Yev.” Yevgeny then walks past Ian and into the apartment.

 

Ian is frozen once again. Holy shit. He’s just a tiny adult.

 

Mickey watches his boyfriend, who is still kneeling on the floor and decides to try and break him out of his trance. He squats down and uses a finger to raise Ian’s chin.

 

“How ya doing there, buddy?” He teases.

 

“Fuck.” Ian mumbles. “He’s just…fuck.”

 

“I know.” Mickey nods. “Kids are just tiny adults. Who knew?”

 

“Right? Like what the fuck?”

 

Mickey laughs and stands up, reaching down to pull his boyfriend up as well.

 

“Not to burst your bubble, but it looks like my kid has already ruined your toy tower.”

 

Ian turns to see that Yevgeny has ripped into the boxes of Legos and action figures and is now surrounded by toys. Ian giggles, “Well I bought them for him, right?”

 

Mickey huffs and walks past Ian. He snaps his fingers in Yevgeny’s direction to get his attention. “Hey kid, ya just met this guy, and have never been in this house before but you think it’s cool to just rip open all the toys?”

 

Yevgeny morphs his face into a fake pout. “Sorry, Papa. I didn’t know.”

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Mickey sees Ian about to run to Yevgeny’s rescue, not yet knowing that the fake pout is his signature trick.

 

“Slow your roll there, hot shot.” Mickey murmurs to Ian, holding an arm out to stop him.

 

“Yev, say you’re sorry and ask Ian _if_ you can play with those toys.”

 

Yevgeny’s pout melts off his face and he rolls his eyes. Ian tries to stifle the giggle that almost escapes because of how much Yevgeny looked like his father in that moment.

 

Yevgeny sets the toys down and walks over to Ian. He makes a ‘come here’ motion with his hand so that Ian will bend down to his level.

 

“I’m sorry.” Yevgeny apologizes, using the best puppy dog eyes he can muster. “Is it okay if I play with the toys?” He asks, really laying the cute act on thick.

 

“Of course. Yes!” Ian all but shouts. “Play with anything you like. Keep it all!”

 

Mickey shakes his head as he watches Yevgeny skip back to the toys, so pleased with himself.

 

“Jesus Christ, Gallagher.” Mickey mumbles, turning toward Ian and his starstruck face. “You couldn’t play it cool to save your fucking life.”

 

“Bad word, Papa!” Yevgeny says, like the smartass that he is.

 

“Can it, kiddo” Mickey shoots back, not even sparing Yevgeny a look.

 

“Sorry, Mick, but how could I say no to that face?”

 

Mickey sighs, reaching up to cup Ian's face. “First lesson: Yevgeny will play you like a fiddle if you let him. He mastered the pout and the puppy dog eyes before he was out of diapers. You got tricked this time, that’s fine. But next time, you’re a steel wall, okay?”

 

Mickey throws his hands up in the air when he sees that Ian's eyes are focused on Yevgeny. Ian is entranced by him. He didn’t hear a single word that Mickey said. These two are gonna be the death of him.

 

*

 

They decide to do this every Tuesday and Thursday over the next two months. Mickey brings Yevgeny over for a few hours of playtime and then dinner before he takes him home or to stay at Svetlana’s.

 

It’s been going great. Yevgeny loves Ian, just like Mickey knew he would. Mickey can’t imagine anyone not liking Ian. He just has that charm about him that you can’t resist.

 

Yevgeny asks to hang out with Ian on weekends and soon enough, barely a day goes by that Yevgeny doesn’t want to see Ian.

 

*

 

Today, Mickey is going over to Ian’s for dinner, but also because he has something important to ask. Today is the six month anniversary of Ian leaving the hospital and starting his new life.

  
Mickey and Ian also kind of think of it as the six month anniversary of them starting their relationship again. Sure, they were together for years before, but this time is different. For the first time since they first slept together when they were 15, they are finally on the same page. It’s just different and definitely better.

 

He uses his key to unlock the front door to Ian’s apartment and immediately smells pot roast.

 

Ian knows it’s Mickey’s favorite dinner and loves to make for every special occasion.

 

Mickey makes his way to the kitchen. He sees it empty and is confused until he hears Ian squeal and he is picked up from behind and spun around.

 

“Put me down” Mickey giggles, as Ian presses kiss along his neck and shoulders. “You always go for the lift, why?” He asks.

 

“Cause your just so cute and I always wanna squeeze ya and twirl ya around.” Ian laughs.

 

Mickey rolls his eyes, but can’t keep the grin off his face.

 

“I made your favorite for our anniversary!”

 

“Mmm, I know. I smell it!”

 

“Set the table for us, please.” Ian says.

 

Mickey goes to cabinets and gets out plates and cups and silverware. He almost laughs thinking about how much he thought he would hate being this domestic when he was younger. That was so long ago now that it doesn’t even feel real.

 

He and Ian have aged twenty years in five years time. They’ve changed and matured and that’s why Mickey thinks he’s ready for the next step. Ian meeting Yevgeny was the main roadblock that keep them for moving forward and now that obstacle is totally settled, so there’s nothing stopping them.

 

Mickey fills their drinks while Ian puts the food on the plates. They eat in a comfortable silence, sneaking glances at each other and trying to hide bashful grins. They’ve been good like this for six months.

  
Mickey decides now is as good of a time as any. He sets down his fork and knife as Ian looks up and notices that Mickey is about to talk.

 

“Ian, these past six months have been amazing. We’ve been so happy and have just clicked as gay as that sounds. You and Yevgeny getting are so close now that I’m almost jealous. Everything just feels right.”

 

Ian smiles at Mickey, but he’s nervous. He can feel Mickey leading up to something and he has no clue what it is.

 

“So, I wanted to know if you’re ready to move in with me?”

 

Ian freezes, fork dropping out of his hand and making a loud noise as it clatters to the floor.

 

“What?”

 

Mickey is confused by Ian’s shocked reaction. He doesn’t even seem happy-surprised, more like scared-surprised. Should Ian be happy?

 

“I mean, you don’t have to.” Mickey backtracks. “I just thought maybe we were ready, but its totally okay if you’re not ready. We don’t have to rush anything. Sorry! Forget I said anything.” Mickey rambles, hoping he didn’t ruin their new found rhythm.

 

“Wow, Mick. It’s okay. Of course I want to move in with you!" Ian beams. "I was just caught off guard. There’s nothing I want more in life than to move in with you.”

 

“Fuck.” Mickey nods. “Okay. Shit, you scared me.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Ian laughs. “I guess I never thought we’d be ready, but you’re right, I think we are.”

 

*

 

Ian moves in a week later. It only takes them one trip to get all of Ian’s stuff back to Mickey’s house. He’s been living simply after the hospital.

 

Living in small room by himself for three months with only three outfits and a handful of belongings made Ian realize that he didn’t really need all those material things. If he had his family and Mickey, then he was fine.

 

Mickey was bewildered by how easy this whole thing has been. He expected bump after bump and trial after trial when Ian got out of the hospital, but instead, it’s been, almost, easy? That’s crazy, right? When has anything between him and Ian ever been easy?

 

However, Mickey was nervous that it wouldn’t be easy to tell Svetlana that Ian was moving in. Her being okay with him meeting Yevgeny is one thing, but to be living with Yevgeny when he’s at Mickey’s is completely different.

 

But she shocked Mickey again by being totally on board. He thinks that she’s so supportive because of how much Yevgeny loves Ian. Ian taught him how to ride a bike and play board games and wrap Christmas presents and all that shit that Mickey never learned as a child.

 

Mickey wonders how he ever got along without Ian as he is now. As much as he tried to guard himself from the possible downfall of stable Ian, it was a fruitless endeavor. He was a goner from the first time that redhead, freckled dork said his name and he has been ever since.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just about it, folks. Thank you so much for your support of my first ever multichap fic! I loved every kudo and comment! I guess the whole question left is, epilogue?

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you want me to continue this. All comments and critique is welcome!
> 
> Prompt me on tumblr: ianmickgallagher.tumblr.com


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